K.I.S.S.  (Keep it Simple, Sweetie)
By Kathryn H. Kidd

We got a landslide of letters telling our harried reader from Mexico City how to simplify her life.  I’m ready to try all of them!  We have the smartest readers on the planet, and the best part is that they’re so willing to share their wisdom with other.  Read on for ideas that may help you!

Just last week I was contemplating writing a similar request to the Circle of Sisters but I was too B-U-S-Y to get it done.

Lately I have been feeling I am not contributing enough to the world and the Church even though I work part time, hold ward positions and work one shift a week in the temple.  I believe world events are stimulating more and more of us to action — to leave behind the material and the rat race that we might do more for Heavenly Father’s children and bring them back to him.

I recently heard of an oral surgeon who is semi-retired, who sold all his possessions so that he and his wife could go on mission after mission where ever they were needed.  My question to the Circle of Sisters, since this couple is not here to consult, was to be:  “Has anyone else simplified in this way and how?”

I have recently been looking at sites that promote “park model” RV’s of less than 700 square feet as a good way to simplify.  I lived in 700-sqare foot home in the mountains in the summertime as a child with no phone or TV, and can testify that a family can be very happy in such.

Could I do it now?  Has anyone made such a change?  What does one do for family reunions?  I think this is an emotional deterrent to many who would like to downsize and simplify for any reason.  And can one still entertain grandchildren in a small space without that big basement of toys left over from their parents’ childhood?

I have read some books about simplifying — although I haven’t simplified enough to be able to find them quickly to refer you to them — but here are some of the suggestions I remember:

Sorry this is long, but the subject has just been very much on my mind of late.  I need any suggestions you all might have.

A Sister in Idaho

What great ideas you have!  As someone whose kitchen is full of single-use utensils, even that small suggestion could help me.  And some of your bigger suggestions — such as donating one’s time to helping the world — are definitely food for thought.  Thanks for writing.

Here’s a letter from another reader who has concrete suggestions:

Dear Sister Ramirez,

You are on the right track.  Here are some ideas that can help.

P.S. I met a wonderful young man from Acapulco, who was on his way to Chicago to serve a mission.  He was the only one of his family in the Church, and they wouldn't write to him on his mission.  So I got to be his "mom" for the two years that he served.  Last December, I was able to bring him to Utah to college but could only pay one semester of tuition.  He is teaching Spanish and English to groups of people, the way I teach piano lessons, to pay for the rest of his education.  He is a wonderful young man and makes friends easily.  His friends help him too; they even gave him a car to drive and they pay the insurance.

I love those who provide us with this great magazine!  It's wonderful to be so close to people like you who live far away.

Lynn Jensen
Central, Utah
St. George West Stake

Thanks for your suggestions!  It is sage advice indeed to think twice about throwing things away that may have sentimental value later on.  I once threw away a journal that contained the events of my entire last year of college — plus a bunch of love letters I’d glued into the pages — because reading it depressed me.  How I wish I could get it back! 

Here’s one way to de-clutter your life — move!

I didn't realize how cluttered my life was until my husband and I recently moved out of one part of the country to another.  I had read many times of how to organize, but my need to collect things "to use someday" in a craft or a lesson REALLY upset the balance in my home.  I was also a garage sale queen.

When we arrived at our new destination, our furniture hadn't arrived so we were left to live for a while with just the very basic necessities to sustain life.  We had just two glasses, two plates, one pot to cook in and an electric skillet.  That was how the rest of our home was — MINIMAL, to say the least.

I learned in those three months, that without all that "stuff" I was set free!  My house was ALWAYS clean. I was free to serve others and not be tied down to the feeling that I always had something to do in my home. 

When we did get our things, I was able to rid myself of a lot of clutter and free myself again.  I am VERY careful not to bring extra "things" into my home, because then I will have to take something out in order to keep balance in my home. 

So many of the things that I had collected over the years were on paper.  It is now so easy to obtain most information on the internet. Things such as craft ideas, recipes, ideas for programs, and other things, are all on the web.  I was a collector of cookbooks and now I don't even look in the books — I go straight to the computer. 

I read that we as a people think that one knife is great so two must be greater and three must be awesome.  We need to ask ourselves how often we use three of the same kind of knife at the same time.  That goes for most things in the home.  I have drawn closer to the Lord because my house is a house of order. 

Sister J.

You’re a stronger woman than I am, Sister J.  But what you say has merit.  I have all my recipes stored on the computer these days, and it’s a big help to look for them that way.  And if I need a skit for the ward Christmas party, it’s only a few mouse-clicks away.  Maybe I should follow your advice and jettison all the papers that are on my desk.

I don't think that scaling down to a reasonable level of busy-ness is really all that hard. 

To begin with, dinner time should be family time, every day.  You and your spouse need to commit to making this a priority.  If ONE person in the family has a conflict, maybe the family can arrange dinner to accommodate that schedule, but if you follow rule 2, that shouldn't be too onerous.  If more than one person has that time booked, then you have too many outside activities going on and you will have to decide as a family how to handle it.

Rule 2: Each child should be participating in no more than one outside activity at a time.  That leaves them free to go to bed early, to go to cubs or scouts, to attend seminary, youth dances, and other events, and for your family to still have time for a life together.  This leaves your children time to play (and mom doesn't live in the car playing taxi).

Children need time to play that is unstructured.  All the experts are telling us that the development of children's brains is not what it should be, because too much of the time they are either being told what to do (structured activities) or they are sitting in front of a TV or a computer.  In the first scenario, they have little opportunity for creativity; in the second, they are like zombies.  If you want your children to be strong, independent adults, they need to learn how to entertain themselves.

Many people will tell you the same story as I experienced.  When we turned off the TV, our children played together more happily, and more cooperatively, but also more creatively.  Those same benefits spilled over into the school yard and classroom.

Now I know that lots of people will say that their child is involved for 15 hours per week in, say, gymnastics, and they have four kids in a variety of things, so what time is left?  My response is simple.  Why is it so necessary for your children to be in gymnastics for that amount of time?  Are they really headed for the Olympics?  Is the cost to your family in time apart and the disruption of your primary values really worth it?  Is the goal one that pre-empts your eternal values that are being pushed aside for the sake of this activity?  Think about it and figure out what will work for your family that is in accordance with your values.

Rule 3:  As adults we have WAY too much stuff.  President Hinckley was absolutely right (no surprise there) when he suggested we reduce and simplify.  People are just beginning to realize the toll that “stuff” takes on them.  You have to pay for it, store it, clean it, fix it, protect it and eventually take it to the dump. That means that instead of focusing on each other, or on service, or playing ball with our kids, we are constantly wrapped up in looking after “stuff.”

As you declutter your home, you will feel more calm, much more able to handle the demanding issues in your life.  Hence, decluttering your home is, in essence, decluttering your life.  You will then be more ready to pair down your busy-ness.  You will more confident and comfortable, calmly making choices that make sense to you and your family.  Choices made that way tend to be better for everyone concerned.

These three rules can simplify your life considerably, but they are just a beginning.  For those of us who work outside the home, life never has enough hours in the day. 

I highly recommend organizing your family so that the work load is shared among ALL who live there.
I also highly recommend that you limit the number of outside things that make demands on YOUR time.  You and your spouse need to figure out how you can spend time together alone, and time together with your children.  That includes work time, but also time to hike in the woods, play at the park, listen to good music, make a puzzle, etc.  There really isn't much time for TV (or stress) when you consider all the great things you might get to do once you open up your schedules.

Have you ever noticed how cheerful and optimistic President Hinckley is?  You don't get like that by being highly-stressed and overburdened all the time.  And no one I know has a job more demanding than his!  He had found a way to enjoy life.  It’s supposed to be fun.  If you aren't having fun, you're going about it the wrong way! 

If your life isn't happy, it's your challenge to change it so it is.  You only get one life-make sure its a good one!

Liane
Victoria, BC, CANADA

I like your focus on happiness, Liane.  Thanks! 

If you want to de-clutter but don’t know how, read on for two testimonials:

As for busyness, it is what Nancy Reagan said about drugs, "Just Say No."  We have family policies in place to make it easier.  Since my son as early morning seminary at 6:00am and gets up at 5:30 am, most nights we start the going to bed process at 7:30 and everyone is asleep by 9:00.  This eliminates most night activities.  On Sundays we don't attend church functions unless the whole family can go.  Our last ward had them once per month and that was my husband's only day at home, so we didn't go.  My kids did participate in Saturday youth activities.

Yesterday I skipped Super Saturday.  I homeschool 3 ages 11, 13 and 15.  What I needed most was time alone and my dear husband took them out to hike and explore for the day.

My teenagers get a full 9-10 hours of sleep/night that their growing bodies need.  People ask me why they are so mellow.  Well who feels good without sleep?  I need my rest too, as does my husband who has a very demanding job.

For de-cluttering and organization, I am still working at this, I subscribe to www.flylady.net.  She is simply the best.

For church members we probably seem like hermits, but we usually wind up attending at least one church activity per month and that meets our needs.  When I was homemaking leader I told the sisters it was an opportunity, not an obligation.  I did not want them to feel guilty or that my feelings were hurt if they did not attend.  The success of a meeting is not measured by how many attend; it is measured by how well it meets the needs of the target audience.

My kids’ activities are limited as well, and they are still plenty busy.  The play bridge, take Hapkido, and play musical instruments.  One takes and art class as well.  All of these fit into our daytime hours, and everyone is home at 6:00 for family dinner. 

Liz deForest
Santa Monica

Sleep!  We all need more of it.  Thanks for the reminder.  And I love your quote about enrichment meetings being an opportunity and not an obligation.  What wise counsel!

And here’s another testimony of flylady.  She must be good!

FLYLADY.NET helps you de-clutter your home, mind, body, life. It is life-changing. 

Browse her website. You may decide to subscribe to her free daily "digest" email newsletter to get all her reminders at once. It’s less clutter than getting so many separate ones each day. Or read her books — Sink Reflections, or Body Clutter.  

She urges us to bless others with our surplus; shows where to go for weekly menu planning and how to dress better. It's incredibly freeing to donate my surplus to Deseret Industries and Salvation Army. Mental health improves in clean spaces. She understands CHAOS: Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome. She's hilarious.

It's helped me eliminate my "stinkin thinkin"; showed how to do first things first; take care of me-get "dressed to shoes". Sort of love yourself first, step-by-step.

I've been a devoted member of the LDS Church for many years and believe the doctrine, yet this has done more for my ability to actually DO the golden rule than anything else I've tried in my life. Ever.

FlyLady talked in the LDS Conference Center in SLC last month with Stephen R. Covey and others for the American Mothers annual convention.

Check out FlyLady's suggestions for stress-free Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners; how to FACE (Financial Awareness Continually Empowers) your finances (good idea before holiday shopping); how to get the house ready for company 15 minutes at a time so you can enjoy the holidays; giving gifts of zoo/museum memberships instead of clutter gifts for Christmas; and how to move without taking junk with you; how to de-clutter.

Check it out.

A Happy Flybaby in California

Thanks for the suggestion, Flybaby. And here’s another book recommended by a reader:

I had heard on a radio talk show about a book that I sought out and purchased. It has really given me a tremendous amount of insight on my life — a woman with a busy full-time career, six children, two cats and a fish... The book is CrazyBusy: Overstretched, Overbooked, and about to SNAP! by Dr. Edward M. Hallowell, M.D. Brace yourself for the plain ugly truth about yourself and some nasty but critical self-evaluations and homework that you must do to get to the bottom of your crazy busy life!

Carol A. Helman
Waynesboro, PA

Thanks for the suggestion, Carol.  When I’m ready to face the “plain ugly truth” about myself, I know exactly what book to buy!  Thanks for the laugh that came with the advice.

I think the Lord let us know one of the names of the plan of salvation is The Great Plan of Happiness just to help us get that fixed in our minds and in our hearts. When I was a young mother I really thought it was my duty to give my children lessons in all kinds of things. Strain on budget and emotions and physical effort was large but I really thought I was supposed to do this in order to be a good mother.

While walking around my block one night to ponder I met a neighbour who said something that really hit me. She said our real job was to help our children to be good people.  That has helped me think about my priorities and scheduling and life.  To be happy and to be good. I don’t want to tell others what to do or not to do but to be able to be examples of happiness and goodness to our families will take deep thinking about what we do with our time. Before you can change your scheduling and busyness you must have a foundation upon which your life is built any you must take time to think about why you do things. I am finding that if the foundation is right then the rest will be right too.

There were a group of people in the ancient world that lived after the manner of happiness.  I often reflect on what it must take to live after the manner of happiness.  First of all I am encouraged to see that there is a manner in which to live to be happy.  They were industrious and busy people too but they didn’t let that stop or interfere with being good. They had a foundation of goodness built upon the Savior and the gospel.  

Very talented people and very busy people can also be unhappy so there must be something to having a firm foundation first and building upon that.  I read in the scriptures that there was happiness affixed to keeping the laws.  So I am thinking that before we only slow down and change our schedules or free time that we lay a foundation of goodness and happiness and build upon it.

Trisha from Cardston, Alberta

Thanks for your observations, Trisha.  Your letter reminded me of a trip to Vermont that Clark and I took years ago. We had been hired to write a cookbook for a fancy bed and breakfast inn, and were given a free room for a week so we could do the research.  This town was near the birthplace of Joseph Smith, and we took those Yankee ideals to heart by spending our time at the inn working ourselves to the bone.  I kept thinking of the words to that hymn whose name I can’t remember, “The world has no use for a drone.”

After several days the inn owner, a transplant from California, informed us that we weren’t just there to work.  We had permission to enjoy the area and the surroundings and the inn itself.  Despite his New England heritage, Joseph Smith probably spent a good deal of time appreciating his surroundings, and we were glad to follow his example even though we had to be forced to do it.

(Parenthetically, I’m glad the words to the hymn were changed.  There IS time for sitting around doing nothing.  And if there isn’t, there should be.)

It looks as though the state of Colorado is worried about overscheduling, too.  Here’s what Carla from Fort Collins had to say:

I just finished reading the sisterhood article that started this topic.  I loved the quote at the end — but it really finishes the article.  The problem with us, especially Americans, is, we have too many desires.  

There was an article in the Coloradoan (Fort Collins newspaper) last Tuesday called “Time Out.”  A Colorado group called Take Back Your Time Day started four years go, trying to do something about overwork, over-scheduling, and time-famine in North America.  This year's theme is spending more time around the table — the dinner table, the picnic table, and the card table. 

Americans are not taking enough time for relationships — family, friends, community, and civic engagement.  The lady interviewed said, "I think it's about changing attitudes, changing work habits.  I've looked at what my priorities are, what really makes me happy and what's extra.  We are trying to find ways to live more balanced and sane lives."

I thought this had something to do with the Circle of Sisters subject — you know, desires versus wants.  People who complain CAN make time work on their side — if that's what they really DESIRE. 

We'd all be much better, less stressed, if we "Have few desires."  THAT'S the key.  Not only do we have desires for ourselves, we desire this "for the kids" or we desire "this would be great for us to do this year" or "this would look great in the yard."  The list goes on and on.            

As a child, I know that I only did one thing a week — my piano lessons.  (And I walked to them by myself.)  You probably didn't do more than one thing a week either.  That's just how life was, and how life can still be, if that's what you desire.  Too many parents get hoodwinked into thinking that their children have to been in a sport (or more than one, or one every different kind of season), and music lessons, and scouts, and church, and cheerleading, etc. etc. etc. 

Ask, who's the mom??   If you can't sit down around the dinner table together, some things HAVE to go.  Period.  It's the "desires of your heart" that count. 

Carla Child
former Virginia resident

Great thoughts, Carla.  Thanks for sending them.  And if you really want to spend more time around the game table, you know exactly where to move.

Stay tuned next week — and the week after that — when we’ll hear more from our readers on this interesting subject.  Meanwhile, if you want to suggest a topic for Circle of Sisters, our address is circleofsisters@meridianmagazine.com. Put something in the subject line that will let me know your letter isn’t spam.  And when you write, be sure to include your full name, city and state or province. (If you’d rather be semi-anonymous, sign your name as “A Reader from Michigan” or “Sandy from Timbuktu.” The important thing is that we hear from you.)

Until next time — Kathy

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more.
It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity.
It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.
Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow."

Melody Beattie