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A Little R&R
for Good Old M-O-M
By Kathryn H. Kidd
We didn’t get a whole lot of letters to help Mom this week.
My guess is that all you ladies out there are so busy that you haven’t
had a minute to write. Here’s a note from one our faithful readers,
telling us what she does even though she still has one child at
home. Her letter is followed by other excellent ideas we received
that are guaranteed to keep Mom happy, healthy, and sane.
And if you’re not a mom, don’t worry. These ideas might tickle
your toes, too.
I love reading Meridian, and Circle is one of my favorites. I am
glad you brought up this subject, because I really am finding myself
at a loss. The house is way too quiet now that the kids are in school
again. I must be crazy! This is what I was waiting for! But
I have one little darling at home who is 11 months old, and so she
keeps me grounded.
I take her on walks around the neighborhood, and to the library.
We dance in the living room to our favorite music. I take her to
the library for infant story time, but at other times, I'll drive
her there at her naptime and let her fall asleep on the way. Then
she sleeps in her carrier, there in the library, under her favorite
blankie, while I browse through those
wonderful stacks of books.
And I guess we do have a sort-of-a-routine that kind of helps us
not feel so overwhelmed by the 8-hour silence. We help the
other kids get out the door; then we get ready for the day; then
we listen to Writer's Almanac broadcast on the radio; I nurse her
to sleep; I do housework or correspondence; from there it depends
on the day.
We eat lunch
and I nurse her down to sleep for her afternoon nap around 2 pm;
I get some more done or I snooze with her for at least a few minutes;
the boys come home from school about 3 and I catch up with them;
the girls, at 4, and we meet them at their bus stop; we catch up
with them; we eat dinner, and so on. After the older kids are home,
I don't have to do much for my baby, and it's fun to watch the older
ones delight in seeing her progress.
I've also decided to "go back to school" myself. I'm jealous,
I'll admit. So I signed myself up to brush up on
some old skills and to volunteer through the library, and I'm taking
a parenting class at church. I think that making new friends
will help me find all kinds of great new ways to spend my time.
Thanks for giving me an outlet!
Kareen in Katy, Texas
What terrific ideas, Kareen! I love the way you and your baby dance to your favorite
music. I still remember dancing to the music from “The Pajama Game”
(okay — I’m old!) with my mother and my younger sisters when I was
four and they were so young they were pre-verbal. Kids remember
that stuff forever.
Your plans to make friends by going back to school and volunteering
are excellent. Making new friends will offer you lots of new outlets.
Here’s an idea that I didn’t expect to see, but that offers
a refreshing perspective.
I'm a Utah
native, born, raised and still here. But I wasn't raised LDS as
a child, so I had to learn my own way to be an LDS mom. I
had six children, a husband who didn't believe in vacations, and
no extra money.
The best
vacation we took was when we planned to go to the open house of
the San Diego Temple. I wanted my children to have the opportunity
to see this beautiful building so we jumped in the minivan and headed
out. My oldest son was gone at the time (serving a mission),
so my oldest daughter helped me drive. As we set out we realized
we could arrange our trip to see several other temples on the way,
so we made a last-minute change of plans.
At each temple,
we got out took pictures in front and oohed
and aahed at how lovely each of them was.
It was not uncommon to hear, "This is the one I want to be
married in," or "I like this one best" (until we got
to the next one). We didn't have time to do much more than
that, but it was enough. It was fun to see the Salt Lake,
Jordan River, Provo, Manti (a little off the usual route), St. George, Las Vegas, Los Angeles, and
finally the San Diego Temple — where they finally got to go inside.
Armed with
a couple of rolls of quarters to discourage fighting and boredom,
I rewarded the kids for memorizing the Articles of Faith (something
I could do with them as we drove — there was no TV in the car).
They also got quarters for each peaceful hour that passed without
bickering. By the time we came to a rest stop, they had cash
in hand to spend at the convenience store. This proved to
be a great incentive for them.
We will never
forget this wonderful trip we enjoyed even without any amusement
parks.
Debbie Miller
Who would have thought a vacation would be recreation for
Mom as well as for the kids! What a terrific perspective!
Even just seeing the temple from the outside can recharge a person’s
spiritual batteries, so to visit a whole series of them must have
been especially rejuvenating for you — as well as being inspirational
for your children.
Speaking of inspiration — what a great idea to reward the
kiddies for creating a no-bicker zone with small amounts of cash
to spend at the convenience store! That’s a suggestion a lot of
mothers can use.
Even people who have no free time can make a little time to
herself if she looks hard enough. Here’s what one smart mother did:
Really, as
a mother of six, I have no free time. But I did realize that
I was losing myself and getting depressed. A sad mom does
not make for a good mom. I carved out 45 minutes of time for
myself in the morning — 7:15 until 8:00, in-between early morning
seminary, getting the middle school child off and when I needed
to get the elementary aged children to the bus stop. I run
3 miles. Even if I see no measurable success for the rest of
the day, I've already got something to feel good about.
Kimberly Smith
Montgomery Village, MD
It’s important to have at least one thing to feel good about,
Kimberly. I well remember that the most productive time of my life
was when I had a checklist for everything I had to do in the course
of each weekday. It felt so good to put that checkmark next to
a task that I found myself adding things I had just done to the
checklist — just so I’d have the sense of accomplishment of checking
them off.
These last two letters echo Kimberly’s
observation that a sad mom does not make for a good mom.
I read this
month's topic and had to tell you about what works for me and pose
a solution for those busy moms of little kids who aren't yet in
school.
My oldest
daughter just started school this year and I have a two-year-old
son at home. I got together with three other moms in the ward with
children the same age as mine and we organized a kid swap. While
our older ones are at school, we take turns playing with the toddlers
one day each week. Once a month, the party is at my house, but the
other three weeks I have an afternoon all to myself!
I have used
this time to do some back-to-school shopping for myself, volunteer in
my daughter's classroom (I thought I'd have to wait until little
brother was in school to help out, I am so glad I don't have to
wait), enjoy four hours of silence and solitude in my own living
room to catch up on Relief Society lessons and scripture reading,
and to go visiting teaching. This was just the first month!
I have plans
for the rest of the school year that involve browsing bookstores,
discovering the quiet grown-ups section of the library, a trip to
the hair salon for my birthday, a surprise brunch date with my husband,
and meeting with a crafting club (we are learning to make baskets).
I am so grateful for my husband, who gave me a firm chastising the
first week for trying to take the time to catch up on the laundry,
and pushed me out the door to "find something to do with myself!"
I can't tell
you how much a difference this has made in my satisfaction with
my role as a stay-at-home mom. I have learned that I don't
have to stay at home to be a good one! I wish someone had told me
how important it was for me to make time for myself when my first
child was younger. Life would have been much more pleasant for all
of us if I had just taken some time off each week to recharge my
batteries instead of constantly running on empty. Now I can leave
my son with a trusted sitter without feeling any guilt while taking
a break.
Jannet Cross,
Augusta, GA
What a wise husband you have, Jannet. Is he for rent? I’m sure a lot of ladies would pay
a lot for such sage advice!
I’m glad you mentioned what a difference this has made in
your life. Preventive maintenance on yourself
is somewhat similar to preventive maintenance on a car. If you
take care of the car, riding around in it will be a whole lot more
pleasant for everyone. And if you take care of yourself, your whole
family will be happier.
Here’s another reader who can testify of how far a little
“preventive maintenance” will spread.
My first pedicure was a spur-of-the-moment,
self-indulgent impulse. Driving down a busy street on a busy day,
the neon light from the nail salon brightly beamed and beckoned across
the strip-mall parking lot and, amazing gracie, I turned in!
Who was this stranger who had suddenly
taken control of my vehicle? Well, whoever she was, I will always
be grateful to her! One impulsive moment has turned into several
years of taking better care of... me!
Always one to tend to every family
member’s need, I sorely neglected my own. There was never enough
time. While it's a mite embarrassing to admit today, I often
couldn't find the time to shower or even brush my teeth, and I was
surprised (and appalled) when the whole day had passed with my face
unwashed and my hair still in a ponytail from the night before.
That first pedicure did more than soothe
my feet. It soothed my soul! I felt so great that, upon returning
home, I accomplished more in less time and more efficiently than
I had before! I was smiling. I felt good.
The pedicure led to nail care which
led to a once-in-a-while facial — which led to getting up every
morning, putting on a face and making myself
"presentable."
Does it take time? Yes. But amazingly,
it also seems to "make" time! Does it cost money? I'm
afraid it does. But one can watch the mail for coupons and specials.
The change in my attitude, in how I feel about myself, is reflected
in how I treat my husband and children. That is priceless.
Brenda Jones
Peoria, Arizona
It never occurred to me that a pedicure would lead to so many
other good things, Brenda. Apparently this one pebble in the water
caused a ripple effect that has enriched your whole family. What
a terrific result for an hour’s indulgence!
I’ve reached the end of suggestions we’ve received thus far.
(Alas, I know I lost two letters to my spam folder. If your letter
doesn’t appear here, please resend!)
Surely there are more great ideas out there to give mothers
(and others) some opportunities to recharge themselves. If you have a tried-and-true method that gives you a happy five minutes,
or even a peaceful hour or two, or that recharges your spiritual
batteries for another week, please share your ideas by writing to
circleofsisters@meridianmagazine.com.
Be sure to include your
full name, city and state or province. If you’d rather be semi-anonymous,
sign your name as “A Reader from Michigan” or “Sandy from Timbuktu.”
The important thing is that we hear from you.
Until next time — Kathy
“If
you don’t know where you are going, any road will take you there.”
Chinese proverb
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