Common Courtesy?
By Vickey Pahnke Taylor

“What are the magic words?”

My mom and dad made sure that I understood the importance of using “please” and “thank you” in my earliest of conversations. I should shake hands with those I met, wait for my elders to sit before I did so, and always offer to help when we visited friends in their home. I should think about what I was going to say before I said it (although I never did so well with that one) and think through how something may affect another before I acted (I was better at this one).

My parents taught, from the time I could interact with others, that there are many things we should do out of “common courtesy.” In my growing up years, there were words that you would never hear spoken and topics of conversation that we would not even think of entertaining. If I neglected to say “Yes, ma’am,” or “No, sir,” or show proper respect to my elders in any way, all would not be well for me with my dad! It was common courtesy to behave in a civilized, kind, and respectful manner.

As the years have passed, it has become uncomfortably evident that the courtesies once automatically extended in society are disappearing in many circles. In very deed, common courtesy is no longer so common.

Here are some questions for us to answer for ourselves:

• Do we extend the same courtesy to our family members as to those with whom we work, or to those with whom we serve in our church callings?
• Are we as courteous behind the wheel of a car as we would be to one entering the church building, or an office where we would interact?
• In the halls of our schools, is our behavior the same as when we are in the halls of our church?
• Are the courtesies we extend on a daily basis the kind that we would offer when we enter the temple?
• Are we just as courteous these days as we used to be? More so? Less so?
• Just what does courtesy mean these days?
• Is our fast-paced, Internet world causing a lack of personal connection that allows many members of society to practice the common courtesies expected as we learn to work, learn, and live together?

Extending ourselves to offer kindness and thoughtfulness is a way to strengthen relationships — and fortify ourselves. Better than vitamins, perhaps, in building the kind of muscle that may not show on the outside but definitely helps us deliver with a stronger and brighter being!

One of the things I love about my husband is his consistent ability to show small kindnesses. Among his many talents, none is grander to me than his respect for me and others. His little acts of service (not really little at all) brighten the world. His common courtesy is an indication of his strength of character.

I delight in my son jumping ahead to open the door for me, or taking heavy items out of my arms to carry for me, his older sister, or other females. Likewise, it does my heart good to see one of the girls say a quick and heartfelt, “Thank you,” to a male who steps to the table, extending courtesies that say, “Let me be of service.”

These little daily rituals help build us to be the good Samaritans as we travel the road of life. We might just be amazed at how such a simple thing can bring a bit of healing to a fellow traveler.

It is a tough world sometimes. Sweet blessings of “the old days” with the old ways seem to be diminishing as quickly as beaches erode in a storm. To keep a beachhead more safe and strong, precautions are put into place and simple reinforcements implemented toward building a better foundation.

Likewise, in eroding society, we strengthen ourselves as well as our own little portion of the world when we stake our reputations — our character, our integrity — on certain simple principles. Showing civility to our fellow beings, so many of them caught up in personal storms and fighting heavy head winds, is a beautiful thing.

Courtesy? I am hoping it makes a big comeback, growing in popularity until it is as common as the “common cold”!

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Vickey is a songwriter/producer, vocalist, and professional speaker, and has performed and/or taught in numerous venues. Her compositions include the theme songs for the Special Olympics program (state by state selection), the Make A Wish Foundation, the Especially For Youth program of the Church, and the Families In Focus program. She is a Billboard award winning songwriter, with hundreds of songs to her credit.

She has enjoyed participation in the Church Education System’s youth and family programs for almost two decades, having taught for Know Your Religion, Campus Education Week at BYU-Provo, BYU-Hawaii, and BYU- Idaho, Especially for Youth, Best of Especially for Youth, and BYU Conferences and Workshops.

Studying musical theater at BYU, she has used that learning experience in the music field as a way of enhancing the teaching of correct principles. Her latest gospel works include the collaborative projects "Women at the Well" with Kenneth Cope and "My Beloved Christ" with Randy Kartchner. Vickey has contributed to numerous EFY albums over the years and as a chapter contributor for many yearly EFY books; and as contributor the best selling LDS compilation, Sunshine for the Latter Day Saint Teenage Soul. She authored the book K.I.S.S.: Gospel Guidelines for Better Relationships for Bookcraft Publishing Company. For two years she was editor and columnist for "Gems for Youth" on the web at LDSWorld.com, formerly the Church’s electronic arm.

Vickey’s performance/teaching experience includes venues from participation with a nationally touring Repertory Theater Company to Symphony Halls to corporate conventions throughout the U.S. She has been commissioned to write scripts for the Faith & Values Channel; and created and directed the Bi-Centennial celebration for the Hampton Roads, Virginia area.

She holds a masters degree in interpersonal communications and currently resides in Salt Lake City, Utah. She is married to Dean Taylor and together they have eight children and two grandchildren.