… Into Our Ears
By Vickey Pahnke-Taylor
Editor's note: There is a companion article to this one. Read it here.
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We know that we should not take offense where none is intended. Probably, we would all be better off if we could learn not to take offense — period. How many sad times or angry moments would never materialize if we determined not to take offense — nor give offense — in the communication process?
The Spirit will help us fine-tune our ability to hear, thus offenses will come fewer and more far between. We may “hear” encouragement — even when we are in the pits.
Here is a little fable to illustrate:
A group of frogs was traveling through the woods, and two of them fell into a deep pit. All the other frogs gathered around the pit. When they saw how deep the pit was, they told the two frogs that they were as good as dead.
The two frogs ignored the comments and tried to jump up out of the pit with all their might.
The other frogs kept telling them to stop, that they were as good as dead. Finally, one of the frogs took heed to what the other frogs were saying and gave up. He fell down and died.
The other frog continued to jump as hard as he could. Once again, the crowd yelled at him to stop the pain and just die. He jumped even harder and finally made it out.
As he got out of the pit, the other frogs said, “Did you not hear us?”
The newly freed frog (reading the other frog’s lips) explained to them that he was deaf.
He thought they were encouraging him the entire time!
The “troops” had given up, but one frog did not know it. Believing that he was being cheered on, he continued to try until he got himself out of that pit. One little frog had ears that did not work, yet was able to hear exactly what he needed to hear! His forward (upward) progress was not deterred by the corrupt communication around him. His energies were so focused on his positive goal that he did not notice the naysayers, discouraging him from continuing to try.
I wonder how many pits we may be able to get out of if we do not hear the negative, the “forget about it” — the “just give up” communications that come our way from time to time? Destructive words cannot keep us down if we resist taking them in.
When we focus upon hopeful and holy guidance, our mortal ears may become deaf to destructive earth-bound words. Likewise, we may accept the Savior’s caution that “every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment” (Matthew 12:36).
Last article, we addressed some thoughts on how to speak in a more encouraging, Christ-like way. Listening, likewise, can become a more positive experience by tweaking a little attitude here and a bit of focus there. We have the tools to do a better job. Sometimes we may just make it harder than it has to be. Or perhaps we need to determine we will do an even better job of understanding what listening and hearing mean.
President Spencer W. Kimball taught us this:
Jesus was a listening leader. Because he loved others with a perfect love, he listened without being condescending. A great leader listens not only to others, but also to his conscience and to the promptings of God (Ensign, August 1979).
To listen better, we may:
- Be still long enough to hear the “Still small voice” of the Spirit.
- “Listen to understand, not necessarily to agree” (Elder H. Burke Peterson).
- Chip away at any chip on the shoulder that would affect the way we hear what someone says.
- Pray for better skills in listening/hearing.
- Pray to be more loving. This is a huge way of improving our ability to hear what is being said, not what we think is being said.
- Ask forgiveness when we goof up, and continue forward in the understanding of better communication.
- Learn to discount the negative input.
- Take the advice of our leaders to become less sensitive to what we may perceive as offensive.
- Relax. Breathe. Use reasoning ability in addition to emotions.
- Give “more ear” and “less lip” to one another!
Our communication can become more pure. To hear and to be heard — clearly and kindly — can become a reality. Like one little frog, we need never give up.
Take
a leap of faith — hop to it — and see how much better your communication
may be!
