M E R I D I A N M A G A Z I N E
No More Mountains Out of Molehills!
By Vickey Pahnke-Taylor
This little story is worth sharing: “I remember a grandmother who had been widowed early in her life and was moving out of her home. Her granddaughter, about to be married herself, was carefully helping her place the boxes of dishes and the faded towels.
“’See that sewing machine over there in the corner?’ the grandmother asked. ‘Your grandfather always left his hat there when he came home in the evening. I used to scold him all the time about it. ‘Just put your hat on the hook,’ I’d say, ‘Why does your hat always have to be on the sewing machine messing everything up?’ Then one day, he got pneumonia and died, leaving four little children and me to miss him for a lifetime.’ How many times through the years I’ve thought, What I’d give to see that hat on the sewing machine, placed there by his own hand?
“Like the grandmother in this story, we often let trifles cloud our vision …We sometimes nag the people we love the best over little inattentions, small faults, mere nothings in the whole scheme of things. Instead of treasuring the all-too-rare moments we have with our dear ones, we pick at faults, imagined or otherwise.” (Ensign, November 1977, p.24.)
Hats, or habits, or oversights, or anything — Is it worth creating negativity over? Will it make things better to criticize? President Gordon B. Hinckley has shared this wisdom with us concerning our words, “Restrain your tongues in criticism of others. It is so easy to find fault. It is so much nobler to speak constructively.” (Ensign, November 1981, p.98.) It is also an easy way to better enjoy the present time with ones we care about.
If we are apt to criticize another for something they have done or said, it might be wise for us to consider these words spoken by President James E. Faust, “Your criticism may be worse than the conduct you are trying to correct.” (General Conference October 1987.)
Because we live in a world where words fly freely and many times without prior thought, the quality of our lives may improve appreciably by simply deciding — right now — to eliminate (at least some) of the criticism we may dish out. Here are a few suggestions, offered by Elder Marvin J. Ashton more than two decades ago, for making progress in this goal.
While criticism, if it is ‘constructive’, when given in the spirit of helping someone develop and when offered lovingly, may be accepted and prized; it is easy to fall into a pattern of negative criticism, usually intended to hurt someone’s feelings or ‘validate’ our own position. Or maybe we simply don’t stop to think before we open our mouths, and end up “making a mountain out of a molehill.” Or, making a big deal out of something that just doesn’t matter. Feelings are hurt and relationships are impaired. We have all probably been the victim of this kind of hurt at one time or another. Knowing how it feels, perhaps we should work harder at making sure we never intentionally make another feel that way!
King Benjamin counseled his people (and us) to “not have a mind to injure one another, but to live peaceably.” (Mosiah 4:13.) In our own little worlds, what a blessing it would be to utilize Elder Ashton’s suggestions in order to follow King Benjamin’s counsel. No more mountains out of molehills!
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