“Me! Me! Me!”
By Vickey Pahnke Taylor

“Me! Me! Me!” How often do we hear these words, or similar ones? Or do we catch them coming out of our own mouths from time to time — words that give way to personal agendas, to self-gratifying goals, to self-gratification? 

I know that we have a royal army of beautiful young people who understand the importance of focusing on eternal goals.  There is a true desire to remain spotless before the Lord. It is interesting, however, to see how conniving the adversary may be when it comes to sneaking in a bit of selfishness. Without exception, selfishness pulls us away from the acquisition of the spiritual qualities we should be developing. It can also do a pretty good job of hurting our eternal progression, our family, friends and associates! 

Let’s strip away some of the chains that tie us to selfishness! Here are a few ideas on how to distance ourselves from this insidious problem:

1.  Readjust our circle of friends.  Elder Marvin J. Ashton said this, “Shun those who would build themselves by destroying others.”  Quietly, deceptively, we can become more accepting of selfish, hurtful motives if we spend our time with those who are in the practice of doing those hurtful things.  The “me first!” attitude, or the idea that “I will get what I want, when I want it, the way I want it,” usually speaks of a person who is consumed with self.  It is hard to enlarge the heart and enlarge the circle of love if we are so self-consumed.  Self-absorbed people look for ways to rationalize their own agenda. Others end up getting hurt or left behind. It is not a pretty, nor a positive way to live, is it?  Find friends who can see beyond themselves and their own needs! It is a simple way to elevate your own daily life.

2.  Go the extra five miles.  This would indicate that “the extra mile,” though wonderful, may not be quite enough to dump the selfishness out of ourselves.  We may need to do a great deal more than is comfortable, in order to see the value in getting outside of ourselves in order to help someone else. Will people question your motives? Absolutely. Will they wonder “what’s in it for you?” Of course! But in time, they will come to see that you are merely trying to follow the Savior’s example of benefiting others.  Perhaps your good example will give them the strength to “go and do likewise” (see Luke 10:37.)

3. Serve! Serve! Serve!  Don’t you love watching a man open a car door for his wife?  A young man offering a seat on a bus to a woman or an elderly person?  The exchange of smiles and hugs when a present is offered?  The lift of a voice when someone gives a compliment?  In a self-service world, it is a blessing to watch anyone go outside of themselves to do a little act of kindness for another.  President Thomas S. Monson lovingly taught us these words,

To measure the goodness of life by its delights and pleasures is to apply a false standard. The abundant life does not consist of a glut of luxury. It does not make itself content with commercially produced pleasure, mistaking it for joy and happiness.  To find real happiness, we must seek for it in a focus outside ourselves.  No on has learned the meaning of living until he has surrendered his ego to the service of his fellowmen. Service to others is akin to duty, the fulfillment of which brings true joy.

4.  Differentiate between wants and needs.  “Most of us don’t mind doing what we ought to do when it doesn’t interfere with what we want to do, but it takes discipline and maturity to do what we ought to do whether we want to or not. Duty is too often what one expects from others and not what one does.”  In this quote, Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin seems to telling us to grow up and recognize the strength that comes with doing what needs to be done, period. Moroni 10:32 points us in the right direction by teaching us to "deny ourselves (of) all ungodliness."  We can then "offer a sacrifice unto the Lord ... even that of a broken heart and a contrite spirit" (D&C 59:8).

It may be hard to shed the selfish instincts that would say to us, ‘I know I should go to Young Women, but I really want to see that new movie.” Or, “I should be satisfied with the jeans and shirts the parents got for me, but they are not the brand I wanted.”  Hmmm … the issue of needs versus wants can shift our attitudes, can’t it?

5.  Permanently delete the words “I deserve this” from our vocabulary.  As long as we make ourselves the center of the universe, so to speak,  our thoughts will go to such words as “I deserve” or “I am entitled to” or “It is my right to” … Many times, these words precede something we merely want, and not something that is needed.  Seldom do these words precede a thought of goodness or help or service for another. 

President Ezra Taft Benson tried to shift us from such thoughts during an address at general Conference in April 1986.  These words particularly struck me:  “Selfishness is one of the more common faces of pride.  ‘How everything affects me’ is the center of all that matters — self-conceit, self-pity, worldly self-fulfillment, self-gratification, and self-seeking.”

Contrast these feelings, dear young brothers and sisters, to the words of the Savior, “And he said unto them all, if any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me” (Luke 9:23).  Our sense of entitlement is diminished when we cease thinking of ourselves first.  Joy becomes real and personal worth soars when we begin to “get it.” When we rid ourselves of this kind of pride, the world and our place in it become much more loving, beautiful and fulfilling!