“Me! Me! Me!”
How often do we hear these words, or similar ones? Or do we catch
them coming out of our own mouths from time to time — words that
give way to personal agendas, to self-gratifying goals, to self-gratification?
I know that
we have a royal army of beautiful young people who understand
the importance of focusing on eternal goals. There is a true
desire to remain spotless before the Lord. It is interesting,
however, to see how conniving the adversary may be when it comes
to sneaking in a bit of selfishness. Without exception, selfishness
pulls us away from the acquisition of the spiritual qualities
we should be developing. It can also do a pretty good job of hurting
our eternal progression, our family, friends and associates!
Let’s strip
away some of the chains that tie us to selfishness! Here are a
few ideas on how to distance ourselves from this insidious problem:
1. Readjust
our circle of friends. Elder Marvin J. Ashton said this,
“Shun those who would build themselves by destroying others.”
Quietly, deceptively, we can become more accepting of selfish,
hurtful motives if we spend our time with those who are in the
practice of doing those hurtful things. The “me first!” attitude,
or the idea that “I will get what I want, when I want it, the
way I want it,” usually speaks of a person who is consumed with
self. It is hard to enlarge the heart and enlarge the circle
of love if we are so self-consumed. Self-absorbed people look
for ways to rationalize their own agenda. Others end up getting
hurt or left behind. It is not a pretty, nor a positive way to
live, is it? Find friends who can see beyond themselves and their
own needs! It is a simple way to elevate your own daily life.
2. Go
the extra five miles. This would indicate that “the extra
mile,” though wonderful, may not be quite enough to dump the selfishness
out of ourselves. We may need to do a great deal more than is
comfortable, in order to see the value in getting outside of ourselves
in order to help someone else. Will people question your motives?
Absolutely. Will they wonder “what’s in it for you?” Of course!
But in time, they will come to see that you are merely trying
to follow the Savior’s example of benefiting others. Perhaps
your good example will give them the strength to “go and do likewise”
(see Luke 10:37.)
3. Serve!
Serve! Serve! Don’t you love watching a man open a car door
for his wife? A young man offering a seat on a bus to a woman
or an elderly person? The exchange of smiles and hugs when a
present is offered? The lift of a voice when someone gives a
compliment? In a self-service world, it is a blessing to watch
anyone go outside of themselves to do a little act of kindness
for another. President Thomas S. Monson lovingly taught us these
words,
To measure
the goodness of life by its delights and pleasures is to apply
a false standard. The abundant life does not consist of a glut
of luxury. It does not make itself content with commercially produced
pleasure, mistaking it for joy and happiness. To find real happiness,
we must seek for it in a focus outside ourselves. No on has learned
the meaning of living until he has surrendered his ego to the
service of his fellowmen. Service to others is akin to duty, the
fulfillment of which brings true joy.
4. Differentiate
between wants and needs. “Most of us don’t mind doing what
we ought to do when it doesn’t interfere with what we want
to do, but it takes discipline and maturity to do what we
ought to do whether we want to or not. Duty is too often what
one expects from others and not what one does.” In this quote,
Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin seems to telling us to grow up and recognize
the strength that comes with doing what needs to be done, period.
Moroni 10:32 points us in the right direction by teaching us to
"deny ourselves (of) all ungodliness." We can then
"offer a sacrifice unto the Lord ... even that of a broken
heart and a contrite spirit" (D&C 59:8).
It may be
hard to shed the selfish instincts that would say to us, ‘I know
I should go to Young Women, but I really want to see that new
movie.” Or, “I should be satisfied with the jeans and shirts the
parents got for me, but they are not the brand I wanted.” Hmmm
… the issue of needs versus wants can shift our attitudes,
can’t it?
5. Permanently
delete the words “I deserve this” from our vocabulary. As
long as we make ourselves the center of the universe, so to speak,
our thoughts will go to such words as “I deserve” or “I am entitled
to” or “It is my right to” … Many times, these words precede something
we merely want, and not something that is needed. Seldom do these
words precede a thought of goodness or help or service for another.
President
Ezra Taft Benson tried to shift us from such thoughts during an
address at general Conference in April 1986. These words particularly
struck me: “Selfishness is one of the more common faces of pride.
‘How everything affects me’ is the center of all that matters
— self-conceit, self-pity, worldly self-fulfillment, self-gratification,
and self-seeking.”
Contrast these
feelings, dear young brothers and sisters, to the words of the
Savior, “And he said unto them all, if any man will come after
me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow
me” (Luke 9:23). Our sense of entitlement is diminished when
we cease thinking of ourselves first. Joy becomes real and personal
worth soars when we begin to “get it.” When we rid ourselves of
this kind of pride, the world and our place in it become much
more loving, beautiful and fulfilling!
