The
light slowly faded from around them, and Rick found
himself, as he was before, sitting at his kitchen table.
He
began to weep.
These
tears were different, both
in volume and feeling, from the torrential tears of
self-pity and anger on the night Carol asked him to
leave. They were rather the tears of awakening—cleansing,
purifying tears. He was neither angry with Carol nor
sorry for himself. On the contrary, he was beginning
to feel sorry for Carol because of his own hard-heartedness.
The pain he was feeling was bitter, to be sure, but
he could taste a tinge of sweetness in it as well, for
the tears were expelling his bitterness and giving room
for the sweet feelings he had once known.
“So
how can I get out of the mess I’m in, Grandpa? How can
I feel about Carol as I used to feel about her? How
can I throw off these chains that hold me?”
“You
are beginning to already.”
“Really?”
“Yes.
Can’t you feel it?”
“Feel
what?”
“Sorrow
for how you have been toward Carol. Humility as you
are beginning to realize that
you lack the ability, yourself, to crawl out of the
hole you find yourself in. A desire
to repent, not just of unrighteous acts, but of an unrighteous
heart. Openness to whatever may be required of
you. Do you feel these things, Ricky?”
As
Rick contemplated his grandfather’s comments, he felt
a soothing warmth inside him,
like the outer rings of warmth one feels when approaching
a campfire on a very cold night. As on such nights,
Rick longed to move closer to the fire.
“Yes,
Grandpa, I do feel those things.” And he sobbed all
the harder at the realization.
“Oh, the wonder of God!” Grandpa Carson exclaimed, “and his
goodness and mercy!”
“Gracious
Father in Heaven,” he continued, lifting his voice heavenward,
“we thank thee for thy loving-kindness and tender mercies.
We don’t merit it, and never have, and yet still thou
dost bless us with thy Spirit. We thank thee for this
cleansing blessing, and approach thee in meekness and
humility, and with deep gratitude.
“I
love Ricky, dear Father. He is precious to me. Please
sustain him in his pain that it may work to his salvation.
May his heart break unto thee.
May his contrition be true, and deep, and full.
May he descend to the depths of humility.
May thou show him the extent of his sins.
“Father,
mayest thou put into him a new heart, according to thy promise
to the meek and the lowly. Mayest
thou take away the stony heart out of his flesh and
grant unto him the pure heart and the peace that are
promised to those who come unto thee. May he remember
Abigail, and be able to extend mercy to Nineveh. May
thy Spirit enter his and lead him in thy paths.
“Please
be as well with Carol and the children. They are hurting
and need thy sustaining hand. Bind up their wounds.
Succor them in their sorrows. Hear the cries of the
multitudes who hope for them
and pray to thee on their behalf. Please, Father, I
pray to thee with all the energy of my soul that thou
wilt join this family together. Awaken within them the
love they have known. Bring them back into each other’s
arms, and make their thoughts and feelings for one another
sweet and holy.
“Dearest
Father, we offer these yearnings in the name of thy
Son. Through his mercies and merits we approach thee.
And for his infinite atonement we praise thy holy name
forever.”