He Did Deliver Me from Bondage
by Colleen C. Harrison

Wo Unto The Uncircumsized Of Heart (2 Nephi 4:19)—Part 1

Step Four: Made a searching and fearless written inventory of our past in order to thoroughly examine ourselves as to our pride and other weaknesses with the intent of re­cognizing our own carnal state and our need for Christ’s Atonement. (Alma 15:17; Mosiah 4:2; Jacob 4:6–7; Ether 12:27)

Principle Four: My trials and mistakes are potentially great learning opportunities, not terrible things I should try to ignore or forget.

I can’t tell you how deeply puzzled I was when, as a youth, I studied the gospel and wondered about God’s reasons for choosing circumcision as a sign of His covenant with ancient Israel. I remember thinking, “What a strange way to get a man’s attention.”

My consternation continued for another twenty-five years, during which time I had six sons, all of whom (for modern purposes of hygiene) were circumcised. At each occasion I would pause to reflect and ponder again over such a strange sign. After all, this had to be the most private part of a man’s body. Why didn’t God choose a more obvious sign, one that everyone could see and say, “Oh, there’s a true Israelite?”

Then came the day when this verse of scripture registered on my newly circumcised heart, which had been softened and made tender and sensitive by the removal of my addiction: “Wo unto the uncircumcised of heart” [those who won’t submit their heart to be revealed and made clean and sensitive] (2 Nephi 9:33).

Suddenly everything I knew about the business of circumcision came flooding back to me, as it related to the heart!

But wait! How can we circumcise our own heart? The answer is simple—we can’t. Only God has the skill and patience and steady hand needed to do this kind of delicate heart surgery. All we can do is present our heart to him, naked and broken, in absolute honesty, and be willing to have Him repair it. We must be willing to face our shame, guilt, and fear at being so totally exposed. We must be willing to look like a fool before God (2 Nephi 9:42). Yet how can we do that, when every natural-man instinct is crying out in pride?

NOT JUST CLEAN HANDS, BUT PURE HEARTS ALSO

We must come to realize that the repentance process required of us in the Church is really only able to cover the outward “appearances” or practices of our lives. For instance, if we have had immorality problems, and have quit; if we haven’t been paying our tithing, and then we start; if we haven’t been attending church, but then we begin to—all these are outward, external signs of repentance, and while they are all good––they may not be quite good enough. They may not always reveal a changed heart. If we have made any or all of these kinds of changes and are still plagued by feelings of unworthiness and emptiness, we probably need to consider a course of action that will cleanse our “hearts” (our inner lives), as well as correct our outer behavior. Step Four is about that kind of inside-out change.

For he truly spake many great things unto them, which were hard to be understood, save a man should inquire of the Lord; and they being hard in their hearts, therefore they did not look unto the Lord as they ought. (1 Nephi 15:3)

What we need to do is discover those feelings such as fear, guilt, and resent­ment that harden our hearts and keep us from surrendering our lives to God. These things still defile our hearts, making it so our confidence can’t wax strong in the pre­sence of God (D&C 121:45). Thus, we are afraid to come close to Him.

When we don’t feel confident or comfortable in the presence of the Lord, we perceive His Spirit, which is the Spirit of Truth (D&C 93:8–9; D&C 88:66), to be uncomfortable. Thus we hide from, avoid, and deny the truth and the Spirit of the Lord, all at the same time. The truth becomes a hard thing unto us.

Wherefore, the guilty taketh the truth to be hard, for it cutteth them to the very center. (1 Nephi 16:1–2)

TO STUFF SOME YOU HAVE TO STUFF ALL

When we feel uncomfortable in the presence of truth, when we think we must “doctor up” the truth, manage it, manipulate it, mangle it—we begin to use a lot of energy doing so. We get into a process some people call “stuffing their feelings,” or denial. And that is spiritually disastrous. Why? Because:

Ye are swift to do iniquity but slow to remember the Lord your God …and he hath spoken unto you in a still small voice, but ye were past feeling, that you could not feel his words. (1 Nephi 17:45; emphasis added)

Thus we are taught that God speaks to us through our feelings.

Many of us have spent a lifetime “stuffing down,” or repressing negative feelings. The sad result is that all feelings, including positive ones, are muffled and “numbed out.” Or sometimes our inner self might take just the opposite stance. We over-feel and over-react to things. For example, we may become angry completely out of proportion to a spilled glass of milk. Thus, we are swift to do iniquity (that which is out of proportion, not appropriate or true to current circumstances) but slow to remember (hear or feel) the promptings of the Spirit of God.

I propose that the vast majority of us do not sin because we deliberately and maliciously desire to, but because we are “numbed out” by distractions and addictions and cannot feel the Holy Spirit’s guidance. We cannot “hear” the warning signals and guiding instructions of the “flight tower.” We’re flying as if without instruments. That is why this whole cleansing or circumcising process is so essential. It gets the interference of resentment, guilt, and fear out of our hearts so we can feel and awaken to the realm of the spirit.

Once we become willing to lay our hearts bare before the Lord, with all of our qualities, feelings, and thoughts exposed, we will learn the greatness of God, and will realize that He has the ability to turn our weaknesses to strengths and our mistakes to blessings—if we will come to Him with rigorous honesty.

Thou knowest the greatness of God; and he shall consecrate thine afflictions for thy gain. (2 Nephi 2:2)

Including the afflictions of our own mistakes. I have never felt more “afflicted” than when I have found myself in an unrighteous situation, knowing it was because of my own disobedience the affliction occurred. Under those kinds of circumstances I feel doubly afflicted.

I have come to realize that no matter how afflicted I feel by sin, the greatest damage any sin or mistake can cause comes through resisting the lesson it could potentially teach me. When I do that, I remain in ignorance and can be sure that life (and God) will orchestrate another chance for me to learn it. In other words, I’ll repeat the mistake. Learning good from evil is what this life is all about. It is one of God’s main purposes in sending us here.

NO PAIN, NO GAIN

Nevertheless, notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord, in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities. I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me. (2 Nephi 4:17–18)

These words of Nephi illustrate a normal stage of the cleansing process. As we begin to awaken to God’s goodness, it serves only to bring us, in one sense, greater pain. Beginning to know his goodness will not only give us hope, but will awaken us to a sense of our own guilt.

At this point many of us stop the process of repentance, choosing to focus on the guilt in us instead of the hope in Christ. This is a crucial moment of choice, because it demonstrates the current condition of our heart. It takes many of us a very long time of harboring up and avoiding guilt to realize that to do so is one of the highest forms of blasphemy. Guilt is not meant to be stuffed down or covered up. It is meant to be a warning signal to us—like the smoke alarm in our home. One quick “beep” of its piercing influence is all our Designer meant us to bear. Harbored guilt is the source of much “dis–ease”––spiritual, emotional and physical. It is an unspoken testimony that we have not yet accepted the atonement of Jesus Christ in our hearts, where it counts the most.

Thus many turn away, unwilling to openly look at their own guilt, and never come to know the full extent of God’s goodness. The rest of 2 Nephi 4 illustrates plainly that Nephi has not let his sins and his guilt cause him to shrink or turn away. He has faced them squarely. And he has faced his fear that he is too wretched, that God might reject him. He then comes to know full forgiveness and remission of his sins, redemption from his “enemies.”

Why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to temptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul? Why am I angry because of mine enemy? (2 Nephi 4:27)

Here Nephi demonstrates for us the kind of soul searching we need to apply to ourselves. A fearlessly honest inventory of our past and present behavior will begin to reveal the underlying pattern of our character strengths and weaknesses. We should especially be searching for our weaknesses.

And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men [I have created a time and place—earth–life—where men can have] weakness that they may be humble; and my grace [power] is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me [admit that they are nothing without me], and have faith in me [recognize that I have the answers and the power; that I am the way, the truth and the life], then will I make weak things [moments when they thought they were failing, when they were overcome by sin, when they had thought they were lost forever] become strong unto them [become their strongest moments]. (Ether 12:27)

The second half of this chapter will be posted next week.

He Did Deliver Me from Bondage can be found at most LDS bookstores or purchased online at www.rosehavenpublishing.com

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