Personal Responsbility
By Susan Law Corpany

Years ago I read an article in the newspaper by a columnist sharing the fact that her husband had driven their vehicle for years without getting the oil changed, until it resulted in a costly repair bill. (I’m not sure why she didn’t get the oil changed, unless she was not aware until the car gave up the ghost that he had not been attending to that duty.)

She went on to say that she had realized that she just needed to accept the fact that her husband was not mechanically savvy and that he would never change the oil (or have it changed) in their vehicles.

She then went on to list several of his virtues, such as the fact that he was wonderful at reading bedtime stories to their children, and because of those good things, she was forgiving about the $3,000.00 repair bill.

I don’t usually write to the paper, but I felt a need to respond to this article. I suggested that while it was wonderful that he helped get the kids off to bed, I thought that it was not an unreasonable expectation for her (or any wife — or husband, for that matter) to expect a partner, after realizing that their oversight caused a costly automotive repair, to remember from then on to get the oil changed regularly. She was not expecting him, after all, to wake up the next day able to rebuild a transmission. I felt that it was reasonable for her to expect him to make a trip to Jiffy Lube every three or four months.

When I was a single parent, I knew that I needed to change the oil and rotate the tires on my car and do other necessary maintenance on occasion. Not only that, but I managed, in addition, to read bedtime stories.

In a recent read-through of the Proclamation on the Family, I was struck by something that has never jumped out at me before. In the second-to-last paragraph, it reads:

Apparently failing to fulfill family responsibilities is right up there with some pretty serious stuff. I am quite certain that among those reading this just about every person could tell of a marriage that ended because of a lack of acceptance of responsibility. Whether it is a young woman whose bearing of children has preceded her desire to take adequate care of them, a man who is stubbornly certain his self-employment is going to start paying the bills any day, or even children who do not do their chores, a failure to do one’s part puts unfair strain on other family members and often brings marriages and families to a breaking point.

As I have heard stories of such struggles, I have wondered at times, why it does not seem our leaders are addressing lack of responsibility. I stand corrected. It is right there, clear as day, except perhaps to those who need it most. We all make mistakes, forget something now and then, but I am talking about chronic irresponsibility that does not improve or change, even when a $3,000.00 car repair ought to be a wake-up call.

Picking up the Slack

For every necessary responsibility that we neglect, someone else has to pick up the slack. If a teacher does not show up to teach Gospel Doctrine class, the Sunday School president is called into service or is hard-pressed to find a last-minute substitute. We seem generally to understand this concept.

Why, then, is it that we cannot see when we are unfairly burdening family members by our lack of responsibility? I asked one young mother if she felt she was “pulling the wagon” alone. She said not only was she pulling the wagon by herself, but the other ox in the team was riding in the wagon playing video games.

When I was young and had failed to do a chore, I knew that the worst thing that could happen was that my mother, quietly, would go in and start doing what I had been assigned to do. Immediately I would jump up and run to clear the table or do the dishes or whatever it was that I had been asked to do, mostly because I knew that if my mother ended up doing what I was supposed to have done, especially with pursed lips, I was in real trouble.

We have been warned that we will one day stand accountable before God for how we have fulfilled our family responsibilities. That will likely be one of those times where we are able to stand and make an honest accounting of our efforts or where we will be condemned by our own guilt.

I don’t know about you, but I’m off to Jiffy Lube.