Early on in our marriage it became painfully apparent to my wife Loretta, that my skills in the kitchen did not include food preparation.  Although I'd been a cook in the Air Force Reserves, usually feeding about twelve hundred soldiers at each meal, most of my cooking skills had deserted me or were of little use as I only knew how to measure ingredients in pounds and/or gallons.

Consequently we came to workable compromise by largely leaving the cooking to her and the clean- up to me.

Of course I am still able to fill a bowl with cereal, do toast, and peel a banana.  And it is because I am possessed of these very limited skills that I have made up my mind to become a new and improved cleaner-upper!   And as an added attraction I have begun to look for lessons in life as I mop the floor or clean the stove-top. 

No longer is it just a menial task to clear the table and arrange the placement of items in the dish washer.  Now it is an opportunity to consider the advantages I might enjoy if I were to arrange my life accordingly; fitting the various aspects of my daily activities in such a way that the ends result is a corresponding cleanliness and usefulness.

One might question if one's behavior can actually be changed for the better by such ordinary work-a-day practices.  My experience tells me that if we are susceptible to change and truly desire to become better people, more like the Savior, even the mundane happenings in our lives can act as teachers and schoolmasters.

Burnt Breakfast

Having had the blessing of growing up with several children (we call it parenthood), I have discovered that every child has his or her own distinct personality and I have come to understand how those individual differences must be recognized by parents and other teachers in order to provide for each child a sense of being loved and understood and accepted for who they are (off-spring of Heavenly Father) and what they can become (like unto God).

More than a few times I have been guilty of trying to force the irregular star-shaped personality of a child into a predetermined square-shaped hole.  After all, what I wanted for them was only what I felt the Lord wanted for them - so I reasoned.  Consequently, if a few of the star points were reshaped or even broken off, the end result would be a blessed conformance to a result desired by the Lord .

Those painful confrontations seldom produced lasting change and often brought about behavior in the child which was just the opposite of what was intended and hoped for.

My kitchen clean-up duties have confirmed in me the wisdom of a different approach;  an approach that is much more likely to meet with success as the attempt is made to encourage a change of behavior in a child or an adult, especially when their behavior is destructive or dangerous. It can be illustrated by the cleaning of food particles from a utensil, dish, or pan. 

As most of us have already noticed, running the tap water with some force against stuck-on food, even burnt food, often results in the immediate loosening of some of the particles.  If one continues to hold the dish or pan in a static position however, further progress is slow.  It's as though the food has determined from what direction the force is coming and has dug in its heels to resist movement.  But, if the soiled object is adjusted so that that water is coming from another angle, then most often there is greater progress and more of the food is dislodged. 

What has changed?  The pressure has not increased but the approach has changed.

When this principle is put to work with others in our life, similar results can be observed. 

In President Monson's October 2008 conference address to the body of priesthood, he related a brief story which wonderfully illustrates this concept..

“Many years ago I had a desperate call from the head of the missionary training center. He said, “President Monson, I have a missionary who is going home. Nothing can prevent him from quitting.”

I replied, “Well, that's not singular. It's happened before. What's his problem?”

He said, “He's been called to a Spanish-speaking mission, and he's absolutely certain he cannot learn Spanish.”

I said, “I have a suggestion for you. Tomorrow morning have him attend a class learning Japanese. And then have him report to you at 12:00 noon.”

The next morning he phoned at 10:00! He said, “The young man is here with me now, and he wants me to know he's absolutely certain he can learn Spanish.”

Sometimes a different approach can work wonders.

Bananas

It may surprise some people to hear me say that peeling a banana can become an art form.  When done correctly (without the assistance of a cutting tool) the entire operation is accomplished in about 2 seconds and usually brings forth a beautiful fruit that is whole and without “strings”.  I have demonstrated this to my wife on various occasions and have received less than an enthusiastic response; however, I have not let her lack of excitement discourage me from a continual effort to perfect the process. 

And as proud as I am of my banana-peeling skills, I have found even greater pleasure in discovering, in the banana, one of life's profound lessons regarding behavior and interpersonal relationships.

Now I would assume that when I talk about bananas I am understood by almost everyone to be referring to a fruit that ages quickly and discolors easily.  Sometimes the skin develops several dark spots which make this subtropical plant less than appealing to the eye.  However, this skin discoloration is often misleading and frequently has nothing to do with the quality of the tender fruit hidden inside.  On the other hand, there have been many instances, as I am sure you can confirm, where the unpeeled banana appears to be near perfect from the outside but when opened the interior has several blemishes and deep bruising which are usually cut away and discarded.

How often I have been guilty of judging my brothers and sisters according to their rough exteriors or their apparent weaknesses of character only to find, at closer inspection, a fruit of great worth.  And at other times I have been unduly impressed and influenced by the smoothness of someone's manner or by the apparent lack of weaknesses only to find that beauty is but a few layers of cells deep.

Perhaps you too have found reason to label someone as “not worthy of my attention or effort to befriend ” because of a handicap, or a lack of education, or undesirable living conditions or any number of other blemishes that diminish their attractiveness to us.

Christ pointed to this flaw in our character when he admonished us to be slow to judge one another.  His teachings about motes and beams reminds us that we all have blemishes or dark spots that bring us up short of perfect and if we would have Him forgive those weaknesses in us we must also do likewise unto others.

It has been a revelatory eye opener to find such powerful lessons in the doing of dishes and the peeling of bananas.  I can hardly wait to see what moral concepts will surface when I tackle a thorough cleaning of the stove.