I was driving down the street the other day and passed a friend who waved. I promptly waved back. Then immediately and automatically I judged my wave as nerdy and un-cool and became embarrassed. For the next mile or so I practiced a cool wave, hoping to avoid looking stupid in the future.

We humans do silly things like this. We practice “Stinkin' Thinkin'” or “negative self talk.” Trouble is, such thinking is not silly; it's serious, detrimental and dangerous.

Self-talk begins when we are children. As we are exposed to the world around us and are taught by less-than-perfect people, we begin to form conclusions about life and living — and about ourselves.

These thoughts develop into scripts. “This is bad.” “That is good.” “This is cool.” “That is nerdy.” “This wins me kudos.” “That brings persecution.” “I am a dweeb.” “I can't get anything right.” “I'm a klutz.”

The thoughts become patterns. They become the programming that establishes our personal basis for evaluating and dealing with the world. They can, and usually do, influence our every move.

Re-Scripting

I don't like the term “negative self talk” because it implies that the solution is re-scripting with “positive thinking” or “positive self talk.” Now we wind up with a new set of scripts. “I am better.” “I deserve it.” “I can disregard what others think.” “The restrictions don't apply to me.” “I can do it.” “I do things my way.” These too are detrimental and dangerous in very real ways.

Often these scripts and counter-scripts come straight out of our childhoods and land ungracefully in our adult lives. They are based on immature thinking and are seldom updated for adulthood's realities. They become so ingrained and repetitive that we become unaware of them.

Thus, they become background noise we never critically examine. And so they continue to control they way we live as well as the way we think.

Reprogramming

For years I thought I could examine and reprogram the whole mental mess. While I made some progress, nothing really changed in any significant way. Then one day I was sitting in a Sunday gospel class in which some one was teaching about prayer. “Pray Always,” was the scriptural mandate. I pondered the meaning and method of praying always a lot over the next few days. I wanted to understand the process.

When the student is ready, the needed scripture will come. I was reading in the Book of Mormon and came upon these words, “…let all thy thoughts be directed unto the Lord.” ¹That phrase struck me with great power. I had spent my life directing my thoughts to myself! I needed to direct them to God! Would it make a difference? I was sure it would!

I'd long been enamored with what I'd seen in The Fiddler on the Roof in which Tevye was always talking to God. With that as a pattern I set forth on the adventure of a lifetime!

I can't say I have not reverted to conversing with myself at times. I can't say it is a simple thing to direct all of my thoughts unto God, all of the time, every day. But there are some things I can say about my experience.

Lessons Learned

First, when discussing with Heavenly Father what is going on at any present moment in my life, all of those controlling scripts simply go out the window. He sees them for the flawed notions they are. And, in the light that comes from directing my thoughts to Him, so do I.

The Master taught Joseph Smith and each of us, the same lesson he taught Peter, when he walked on the water, “Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not.” ²The removal of fear and doubt are the blessings that result from keeping our mental focus on the Savior. When I am so focused, my heart ceases to be troubled or afraid.

Second, I am much more likely to have a meaningful conversation with God if I am asking “…what wilt thou have me to do?” ³ (or understand), than if I am asking for what I'd like Him to do. Tevye resisted this lesson. Key to successfully directing our thoughts unto the Lord is having a determination to do His will.

Third, self-talk is all about self-preservation and self-presentation. It is based in fear. Talking with God is about love, trust and vulnerability. I add my testimony to that of Elder Boyd K. Packer:

Perhaps the greatest discovery of my life, without question the greatest commitment, came when I finally had the confidence in God that I would loan or yield my agency to him — without compulsion or pressure, without any duress, as a single individual alone, by myself, no counterfeiting, nothing expected other than the privilege. In a sense, speaking figuratively, to take one's agency, that precious gift which the scriptures make plain is essential to life itself, and say, “I will do as you direct,” is afterward to learn that in so doing you possess it all the more.

Fourth, often I struggle to keep my thoughts from drifting back to self-talk. Fasting is a certain and sure way to focus my thoughts back toward and loving and receptive Heavenly Father. Fasting truly does, then, become “rejoicing and prayer.” ⁴

Fifth, in a world where there is always more to do than can be done; where priorities are difficult to establish; where there is so much need and seemingly too few resources; it is so nice to consult with One, who sees the beginning and the end, for counsel as to where and what to attend to and what to leave to Him and His other servants.

Finally, it is possible for everyone to do this. As Alma promised Corianton, “…whosoever will come may come and partake of the waters of life freely;” ⁵ or more simply, “….whosoever will may…” ⁶

We are always generating thoughts. Why not direct them to a loving Heavenly Father or as Alma counseled Helaman, “…look to God and live !” ⁷

¹ Alma 37:36

² D & C 6:36

³ Act 9:6

⁴ D & C 59:14

⁵ Alma 42:27

⁶ Alma 41:8

⁷ Alma 37:47