A More Excellent Hope: Developing a Vision of Wholeness in the Process of Recovery from Pornography and Sexual Addiction
By Joseph White

Recently our family was traveling and listening to a morning talk show. The guest shared a problem with her local school district. One of her child’s classes required students to take an oath of secrecy, vowing to keep their dialogue and content confidential, within the classroom. They were taught the AA slogan of “What is said here stays here.”

Teachers denied parents access to the materials. As she and other parents probed further, they found a detailed homosexual curriculum and agenda. The principal and local school board protected this curriculum and “right to secrecy.”

When students requested an opportunity to present an alternative perspective that included Christian values, they were denied. The school said it would be bigoted and unkind. The message was clear — discussion of Christian values and beliefs were dismissed and potentially “illegal.”

In a world where homosexuality, pornography, and alternative lifestyles are vehemently protected we’ve come to the point where the prophets of old have warned. That is, we now call evil good and good evil, we now put darkness for light and light for darkness (Isaiah 5:20).

Yet there is hope. As we drove along we saw a billboard that said “Prepare to Meet Thy God — Amos 4:12.” That was it. No other words were needed.

One can find Christian values eking out across state and local highways across the Midwest. There are billboards with a variety of cleverly worded pro-life messages and scriptural quotes. Yes, our world is increasingly filled with base images and advertising but there is also a backlash from many who are fighting back. Such grassroots “movements” bring hope.

And there was hope at our little pornography and sex addiction conference! For some there was a sense of anxious and desperate hope. For others who have walked the recovery path step by step with Christ, there was a reassuring and confident hope. And for those who help, counsel, and have stewardship (via priesthood responsibilities or family service missionaries) there was enlightened hope.

That hope permeated the conference keynote addresses and breakout sessions. That hope was present because of the central message of Jesus Christ as the source for a permanent and fulfilling recovery.

One sister expressed how her hopes were realized in an email following the conference. She said:

We are in a battle for the souls of men and women, and the Lord’s grace is a tool that we must use. If there is any chance of our return, His arm is stretched out still. The children of Israel committed many sexual abominations, but the Lord plead for their souls, imploring them to “rend your heart, and not your garments, and repent, and turn unto the Lord your God; for he is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness, and he will turn away the evil from you” (Joel 2:13, JST).

While others may begin the process of repentance and overcoming addiction by looking to science and educated men and women in the clinical field, we began by acknowledging Christ and recognizing that He is the true Healer! He expects us to use our resources and capacity to draw on others, even professionals. But we must begin with the doctrine of Christ and then incorporate those tools that increase our agency and assist in our spiritual journey of recovery.

Dr. Mark Chamberlain’s opening keynote address illustrated the spiritual foundation he develops with clients and how that helps them move from compulsion to agency in working with their sexual desires. A successful program sponsored by LDS Family Services, often called PASAG or “Pornography And Sexual Addiction Group,” offered another resource with a spiritual foundation. It is based on the LDS Church’s 12 Step Addiction Recovery Program. Elder John Charles Jones shared success stories and materials for starting a group in one’s own area. One bishop said he liked such “tools because he could use them in working with the saints in his ward.”

Dr. Mark Laaser asked three compelling questions based on New Testament teachings that are essential to recovery. “Do you really want to get well?” (John 5), “What are you thirsty for?” (John 4), and “What are you willing to die for?” (Ephesians 5). He shared several aspects of recovery that he has found in his 20+ years of work in the field, including the need to have an accountability group with perhaps as many as 10 people. One person (an accountability partner) is not enough because he may be unavailable when needed.

Dr. Laaser also spoke of exciting new insights emerging in the fields of brain scan imaging and neurochemistry. These insights help explain how connections in the brain develop in the formative years — affecting recovery efforts — and how those insights offer answers for reprogramming neural paths. Finally, he taught that we must replace our fantasies with a wholesome vision of what we want in partnership with God. As we do, he said, it will crowd out and remove old fantasies. Several participants commented on the powerful impact of Dr. Laaser’s message in providing a “fresh” perspective in understanding pornography and sexual addiction.

Other presenters spoke of the impact of pornography addiction on the family unit, explained the faulty assumptions associated with the shame cycle (control and release), focused on the great power of the Savior in the healing process, and how their clinical practice focused on Christ-centered solutions (Geoff Steurer and Dan Gray). One brother said he was grateful because he now knew what he “needed to do in [his] life based on these inspired speakers.”

Philip and Colleen Harrison spoke of their individual paths of recovery during their luncheon keynote and how they came to a deep, Christ-centered conviction of the gospel as the answer to their recovery. They also offered a session on power in the written word — using writing as a tool for “heart-deep change,” a process of dissecting scripture to find personally relevant meaning that helps us grow closer to the Lord.

Paul Birch shared a set of six key indicators for helping parents raise an addiction-free generation. He spoke on how to seek and find the Lord in our parenting, modeling and teaching healthy emotional regulation, modeling healthy relationships and conflict resolution, giving children timely, Spirit-led, and accurate sex education, promoting an appropriate emphasis on “performance," and embracing positive entertainment as a way of life.

Kevin Skinner (a bishop and marriage and family therapist) presented the basics of his curriculum called Treating Pornography Addiction. He made a plea for priesthood leaders, counselors, and practitioners to reach out and do more for spouses. We need to be attentive to their needs and help them find hope and healing in their own recovery from the pain and suffering experienced through their spouse’s addiction.

One participant said she appreciated the resources that were available to help individuals and families (from presentations as well as the vendors). She added that the personal stories were extremely inspiring. The conference actually expanded its capacity to reach out in a way that we had not anticipated.

Though we didn’t consider addressing same-sex attraction issues, we were contacted by individuals both seeking help and those who have found the redeeming love of the Savior in dealing with those tendencies. As such, we were able to facilitate these resources and support networks that became an important sub-theme, if you will, of the hope that was evident at the conference.

The conference also provided two venues for developing a “vision” of wholeness and purity through modest dress and healthy intimacy. Our conference sponsor, Beautifully Modest, presented a brief fashion show displaying prom and wedding dresses that were respectful and elegant. The show offered a dose of modesty and attractiveness, of purity and wholesome dress.

The other venue for developing a virtuous vision was a dialogue on healthy intimacy. Laura Brotherson shared her perspective on healthy intimate relationships between man and woman that is, in reality, the exact opposite of pornography and sexual addiction. One person said her presentation was “a breath of fresh air.”

Our concluding keynote was delivered by Dr. Mark Butler (a marriage and family therapist and BYU professor) whose research on addiction has incorporated a spiritual perspective. “Relationships and Grace in Recovery: A More Excellent Hope” provided a powerful conclusion to a Christ-centered, spirit-led day. He spoke of the power of majestic grace that only comes from one Source and how that grace affords hope in the most unique and convincing ways.

His mantra was to “Follow the Joy” in our efforts to overcome addiction. He said that “God’s rescuing response to Satan’s strategies is grace — and grace makes us free to choose.”

In response to his soul-wrenching recognition of weakness and despair, Nephi exclaimed “Oh wretched man that I am.” However, Dr. Butler said Nephi’s “wringing, resolute, note of hope was ... ‘Nevertheless ... I know in whom I have trusted’” (2 Ne. 4: 19). He said we need to hold both elements of the divine “grace and works” equation in equal balance: “For it is by grace we are saved after all we can do” (2 Ne. 25:23). Successful recovery will involve understanding and relying equally on both elements. We cannot merely hang our recovery efforts on grace itself or depend solely on our own best efforts.

In the end, tears were shed, testimonies born, truths taught, and great and tested insights presented. People came with a great desire to help or to receive guidance and support. They were not disappointed.

The greatest compliment for the success of the conference was the presence of the Spirit throughout the day. One person said “the best feature of the conference was that the main focus was Christ. He is the only Healer.”

This was the first event hosted by the LDS Marriage Network. We experienced significant opposition and forces that tried to keep this event from occurring. But as we pressed forward with faith new doors opened.

At the end of the day, A More Excellent Hope: Keys to Overcoming Pornography and Sexual Addiction accomplished its mission. It provided a Christ-centered, positive approach for those who struggle, their spouses, priesthood leaders, and practitioners. On behalf of the conference organizers, we express a deep sense of gratitude to all who attended, to the presenters, to all who dedicated their time and efforts behind the scenes, and to those who helped sponsor, support, and host the conference.

For those interested in more information, conference materials, notes, powerpoints, and audio files will be available online at www.ldsmarriagenetwork.org within the next few weeks.

His grace and mercy are ever with us. It gives us great hope! As we go forth in this battle, may we always be ready to give an answer for that Hope that is in us (1 Peter 3:15). It is a hope founded in Christ that is sure and absolute (as opposed to the uncertain hope in material things). This Absolute Hope is available only through the tender mercies and grace of God, a grace made possible through His atonement and our repentance process.