Making a Mission Happen, Part 5
By Laurie Williams Sowby

Editor's note: This is the fifth installment of a series for potential senior missionaries. Read part 4 here.

My husband and I are in the final months of our 18-month call to the Chile Santiago West Mission. We were in the Missionary Training Center in Provo at the same time as our youngest son, Rob, who will complete his service in the Germany Berlin Mission in October. It’s been a memorable experience, one that we’ve been glad to be able to share with other "veterans" in the "Army of Helaman."

One of the great blessings of modern technology is that we’ve been privileged to hear occasionally from other friends — senior missionary couples — serving in various parts of the world. Some, like us, are in places and doing assignments they requested, while others were open to accepting a call wherever and in whatever way they were needed.

Some have planned to serve from the time they married; some felt the need to offer their time and service in gratitude for the blessings they’ve received; others desired to set an example for their posterity.

For all, it comes down to obedience to Church leaders who have asked senior couples to serve and promised blessings to them and their families as they obey.

Some senior couples work in the mission office every day, taking care of the myriad physical, financial, travel, living space, and organizational tasks required to keep a mission running. Others have specific assignments in such areas as family history, visitors’ centers, employment, humanitarian service, Church Education System, or music. Many are serving in leadership positions in developing areas of the Church. Still others spend much of their time visiting less-active members and inviting them back.

Their challenges have ranged from surviving typhoons and military takeovers of the government to more mundane things such as struggling with the local language, fighting boredom, and living in much smaller spaces and far less comfortable circumstances than they’ve been accustomed to.

Along with hearing about their challenges, we’ve been privileged to share their triumphs in overcoming obstacles in order to serve the Lord and bring souls to Christ. I asked them to answer some specific questions. I believe their responses will give prospective missionary couples a clearer picture of what it’s like to serve together and help them know what to expect.

Challenges

Some of the challenges seem common to almost all senior couples, while others are unique to the area where they’re assigned, or even to their own personalities. First off, anyone who says they weren’t homesick for the first few months is fibbing. "Expect it" is the advice of Michael and Roberta Vaclaw, serving in the California San Francisco Mission.

Proselyting missionaries Michael and Roberta Vaclaw serve dinner to hungry young elders in the California San Francisco Mission.

Grandchildren are the biggest void for all the couples, but "I even miss my dog!" said Elder Vaclaw. Another said candidly, "I wouldn’t mind an occasional afternoon in LaVell Edwards Stadium." (Elder Sowby misses the automatic dishwasher — after the grandkids, of course.)

Second on couples’ lists of challenges was "having less-defined roles" and "not knowing what was expected of us." In many cases, couples may be assigned an area or ward but not given any specific assignment, only told to "find your niche." For people who need a little more direction and don’t know the area or people or language, that can be a huge challenge. "It took us several months to get to the point of feeling useful," said the Vaclaws. Their lament is echoed by many.

After our own first couple of months of feeling bored and frustrated with not much to do in the daytime (because people are usually only available at night, after work, here in Chile), we started visiting stake presidents on our own and setting up music courses. We shared our frustration with our mission president, who has since involved us in teaching classes during zone conferences and interviews, doing apartment inspections, and helping with other mission-operating tasks during daytime hours.

We started a tradition of serving a big dinner to our 16 local missionaries at our apartment once every transfer period and on special occasions. We bought a DVD player and started inviting members and missionaries with investigators for family home evening with Church videos. We got acquainted with other senior couples serving in the area offices in Santiago and started doing a few things socially with them. It all made a positive difference in how we felt about our service and contribution. But we had to discover these things on our own and make more things happen.

Grant and Gayle Drollinger, proselyting missionaries in the California San Francisco Mission, noted that the missionary handbook is 82 pages long, with only a page and a half for couples. "Our greatest fulfillment has come from seeing the needs in the wards and branches, or with the young missionaries, and finding ways to fill them," they said.

Grant and Gayle Drollinger use Preach My Gospel to teach young missionaries their duties in weekly classes in the San Francisco area.

They say they love their "uncluttered lives" and enjoy inviting two missionaries to have breakfast and scripture study with them every Friday morning. They appreciate having time to read, and they’ve set a goal to read each of the Standard Works during their mission.

For office couples, the situation is often the opposite, with too much to do and too little time for such things as reading and exercise. "It has been physically harder than we were led to believe," said Judy Jackman, serving with her husband, Vic, in the San Francisco Mission office. "I am still waiting to see that 35-40-hour week. We miss the morning study time because we’re in the office, and at night, we have other catch-up things to do or just fall into bed."

Vic and Judy Jackman serve in the office of the California San Francisco Mission, where he is vehicle fleet coordinator and she is medical coordinator.

Robert and DeeAnn Buchanan, in the mission office in Quezon City, Philippines, find the 10-12-hour work days challenging and miss having time or a place to exercise. Some locales where seniors serve are either unsafe or just plain unappealing for outdoor exercise of any kind. Weight gain is not unusual for seniors, who are not putting in the mileage the younger missionaries are on foot.

Adjusting

There are a lot of adjustments to make — physical, emotional, and lifestyle — and they can prove difficult. If you don’t speak or understand the local language immediately, that can lead to feeling isolated and frustrated. Even in countries where English is the official language, various dialects can be very difficult to understand. Couples cope by trying to learn a handful of new vocabulary words each day; studying their language books; making an effort to speak with the locals; and employing the language skills of young missionaries as interpreters.

"Everything we do is guided by the Spirit and mistakes," said John Robbins, serving with his wife, Brenda, in the office of the Fiji Suva Mission. That’s especially apt when it comes to communication.

The climate can be a difficult adjustment for some, uncomfortably hot in some places and uncomfortably cold in others. Several sisters said they’ve given up on their hair in humid climates and learned to live with less makeup. Those who live where homes are unheated have learned to wear several layers inside the house during cold weather.

Culture shock is common, especially for couples going from the U.S. to less-developed countries. Victor and Adele Austin, who served Spanish-speaking missions before they were married and now serve as area family history directors for Chile, decided before they came that they would not speak disparagingly nor criticize local people or customs, but instead "just be delighted by things we found that were different." That positive attitude has made it easier for them to adjust, although the transition has not been without its difficulties.

As family history coordinators for the Chile area, Victor and Adele Austin offer help with computerized data bases and teach members how to use the Church's resources in their search.

Time Together

Missionary couples never have to wonder who their companion will be, yet it can be challenging being together so much of the time (although seniors aren’t required to follow the same strict rules as younger missionaries and don’t have to be together 24/7).

Says Elder Robbins, "We thought we would automatically be great missionaries. It was hard to recognize the same weaknesses that we’d had before we came — grumpiness, pride, selfishness." Yet, being focused on the same goals and learning the same lessons has been a real benefit, he says.

John and Brenda Robbins, an office couple in the Fiji Suva Mission, recently attended the dedication of a new chapel.

Some find it beneficial to have some time apart, either alone or with others. Even in small apartments, a "time out" for an hour or two can be helpful. Yet, most couples say their relationship has been strengthened by serving together, especially if they’d been serving separately for years in Church callings before their mission, as is so often the case.

Said one husband, "We didn’t even drive to church together before our mission, so we enjoy simple walks or driving somewhere together. Serving together has made me more aware of my wife’s feelings and her outlook on things, which I took for granted before. It has given us insight as to what eternity will bring."

Tom and Maryana Dunning, serving in the South Africa Cape Town Mission, said they enjoy doing things together and feeling their love grow. "We appreciate each other’s talents and abilities when we’re serving together," say the couple, who previously served in the office of the Micronesia Guam Mission.

Tom and Maryana Dunning enjoy helping members and missionaries in the township where they're assigned in the South Africa Cape Town Mission.

Hard Realities

"I think I had romanced the whole idea of a mission, and that we would travel to somewhere just like home and we would be comfortable and happy in sharing and learning the gospel together," said Sister Buchanan. "Wow! Was I ever surprised!"

Robert and DeeAnn Buchanan are often surrounded by Filipino families after office hours in the Philippines Quezon City Mission.

She added that although she and her husband had decided to "take whatever we got," once they were called to the Philippines, "I wish we’d put down some preferences." (Couples do have that option. If health prevents functioning in a hot, humid climate, you need to say so on the application!) Five-inch cockroaches have reinforced her wish, but, she says, "After about six months, you simply adjust to your living conditions."

For women who’ve never served a mission before, other realities can hit hard. One missionary admits having trouble adapting to the frequent rejection, when she thought people would "just be flocking to find the truth." Some seniors who are asked to call on less-actives find it difficult because they don’t know what the reaction will be and, like young missionaries, fear rejection.

"We are out of our comfort zone," said one missionary in California, "but we are making progress and will do what we are asked to do."

Serving at an older age is an eye-opening experience. Kent and Karen Lundquist realized a senior mission would never happen unless they created the circumstances, financial and physical, to allow it. "Sitting around and talking about serving a mission ‘someday’ can drag on forever," he says.

Now they are busy and happy in the office of the Louisiana Baton Rouge Mission. However, "We found the regimen of the 40-50-hours in the office a bit different, and as our evening and weekend work in support of the missionaries increased, we found we were, in fact, old!"

Kent and Karen Lundquist work in the office of the Louisiana Baton Rouge Mission by day and with local families in the evening.

For couples where one or both served missions in their youth, it has been hard to grasp the fact that as seniors, there’s no way they can keep up with the younger missionaries’ daily schedule, although some have tried — and failed — before they faced reality.

The good news is that they’re not expected to keep up with missionaries four and five decades younger. Seniors make their own schedule (unless they work in an office); if they need to get up later or need an afternoon nap, so be it. As Elder Lundquist puts it, "We find it necessary to pace ourselves."

Words of Wisdom

Considering your own senior mission as a couple? Read D&C 4, says Elder Lundquist. "Decide whether you fit the description of having ‘a desire to serve’ and don’t mind handling a sickle. Then do it!" Others wrote, "Yes, it’s hard, but just do it!"

Writing about a new senior couple in their early 70s who are frightened of the traffic in crowded Manila, capital of the Philippines, Elder Buchanan asks, "What is it that makes people want to serve the Lord when they could be home without the frustrations and fears they now experience?" He answers, "I think it’s that inner feeling of wanting to share what you know to be right and true with good people everywhere."

"Every mission and every mission assignment is different," say the Dunnings. "The joy comes from serving and serving the best one can."

The challenges are many, but so are the rewards for "helping people in ways that have been life-changing," says Margaret Agard, serving a second mission with her husband, Bill, in Alaska. (They previously served in New Mexico Albuquerque.) She is one who finds it difficult to approach less-active members, but she says she feels an equal measure of joy when they return to the fold.

Clearing a path to the front door of the meetinghouse is the normal Sunday morning activity of Margaret and Bill Agard, shown here with a Primary boy in Haines, Alaska, part of the Alaska Mission.

Finding Fulfillment

Sister Austin received a thank-you note from a young husband after a grueling three-hour family history training that no one really gets excited about going to. Despite feeling the negative energy of attendees at the beginning of the meeting, the Austins soldier on, sharing their enthusiasm for the work with their audience. And once in a while someone catches it.

"I am really thankful because you changed my eternity," the young man wrote. The Austins felt gratified. "Every missionary wants to feel at the end of the mission that something they did made a difference," Sister Austin explains. "Now this young man will proceed with enthusiasm, doing what he can to make a difference."

"Sharing the joy of someone coming out of the waters of baptism and giving their testimony of the Savior" is reward in itself when that happens, says one sister. Associating with that wonderful cadre of young missionaries and supporting them in the work of the Lord also brings fulfillment for many senior couples.

"The young missionaries now serving are better prepared, more dedicated, more capable than my generation of missionaries was," writes Elder Lundquist. "And they are fearless."

Elder James Hurst, psychologist for missionaries throughout South America, said as he and his wife Joan were finishing their service in Santiago in February, "We feel blessed and privileged to be part of a modern miracle known as the missionary program." He noted he had felt "the great love and devotion of others involved in this work" and considered it "one of the Lord’s tender mercies" to be able to rub shoulders with them.

James and Joan Hurst recently returned to Utah after serving as psychologist for missionaries in South America. They were based in Santiago, Chile, and worked as a team.

"The love we feel from the Lord and the knowledge that we are doing what he wants us to do" keeps senior missionaries like Wesley and Emron Montgomery in Petaluma, Calif., going despite the challenges.

Wesley and Emron Montgomery cheer a member of the ward where they serve in Petaluma, California.

The conviction that "we are where the Lord wants us to be right now" was voiced by many couples, who added that that conviction makes it possible to put up with the inconveniences, discomforts, cultural differences, homesickness, fatigue, and other challenges of life as senior missionaries.

The fact that their children and grandchildren are aware of their service is also important. Said one senior, "If I can do this at my age, my grandsons can certainly do it when they’re 19! They’ll have no excuse!"

No, it’s not easy, but for all those reasons, senior missionary couples carry on. In the words of the Buchanans, "It will be wonderful to return and say, ‘We did it!’"

Practical Advice:

1. Be thoroughly acquainted with Preach My Gospel before leaving home. Plan adequate time between such heavies as selling a house, moving things into storage, etc. and the actual time you leave so you have time to prepare spiritually and emotionally for the mission. If you’re going to a place where English isn’t spoken, you will need extra time to learn the language, through MTC tutoring either in person or over the phone.

2. Try to find out from couples already serving there what type of clothing, medications, Church materials, and other supplies you need to bring to a particular mission. (The general information sent to couples is not specific enough.) Take a few good books you’ve been dying to read, a couple of simple games to share (such as Uno or Scrabble), your favorite music CDs, and anything else that keeps you sane, such as needlework. Find out what form of mail works best for that mission.

3. Take a laptop computer with you and know how to use it! Be acquainted with using email, and downloading and sending photos from your digital camera. Couples say the connection with family via email is a lifesaver when they’re thousands of miles apart. Many are able to pay bills and do banking online. Be prepared with extra adapters and transformers to replace ones you may not be able to get in a foreign country when they blow up.

4. For those serving within the United States, couples who’ve done it recommend taking a new vehicle that will seat at least seven people safely. In many countries outside the U.S., you may need an international driver’s license; check with your local AAA or ask someone in the mission office before you go.

5. Plan on spending more than the "official" listed amount. Couples often have to provide their own health insurance, furnish apartments, feed hungry missionaries and, in our case, even purchase a car. Make sure your ATM card works before you leave home, and get one with a bank that doesn’t charge for foreign currency conversion or "out of system" cash withdrawals.