“What
manner of man ought ye to be? Even as I am” (3 Nephi
27:27). If
we could ask the Savior how we could best celebrate
his birth, I suspect He might answer with words similar
to these.
How ironic
that we spend so many of our December hours following
traditions that lead us to celebrate the birthday
of the Prince of Peace in such unpeaceful
ways! How can we bring more peace into our Christmas
season? How can we spend more Christmastime hours
focusing on being more like Him? How can we keep Christmas
preparations from pushing us to act quite the opposite?
In the
Salt Lake Tribune December 10, 2005, the title of Hariette Cole's
advice column title was, “Family conflicts snowball
during holidays.” She wrote:
Pastor
David Hiester and the
They
suggest “an intentional effort to cut back on the
chaos that has torqued traditions into distractions
from the central point of the season — Christ's birth.
“It's about worship and adoration and awe and reverence,”
said Heister... [Their campaign] to “Skip Christmas”
is [about] skipping the chaos so you have time to
focus on the true meaning, the fellowship and the
richness we can share with one another.
One
Change Can Make a Difference
We all
know the problem. Let's move quickly to solutions.
Many factors can influence the spiritual level of
our Christmas and the degree to which we succeed in
the goal of honoring Christmas by attempting to be
more like Christ. However, I would like to focus on
only one. Strange as it may sound, I suggest we draw
nearer to the Savior and be more like Him this Christmas
season by repenting of the habit of hurrying.
It's
been nearly thirty years since I started that repentance
process. It all began on a frantic afternoon when
I was near the breaking point. With a decided tendency
to over-commitment, my husband working out of town,
five growing boys and a household to manage by myself,
I had hurried myself into exhaustion.
The worst
part of it was that I was convinced that hurry was
righteous. After all, if I hurried couldn't I accomplish
more worthwhile things, serve more, read more scriptures,
do more for my children? But where had all that hurrying
got me? Certainly not to joy and peace!
That
day, knowing I was about to lose it, I put my oldest
son in charge, and jogged to a nearby cemetery. Surely
no one was hurrying there and I could think this thing
through. I breathed deeply and enjoyed the quiet of
that tree-filled place and sought the Lord's counsel.
The answer
I received that day was clear: the Savior never hurried,
and if I wanted to be more like Him, I would walk
a more peaceful path. Never mind that He had the whole
world to save, Jesus ministered calmly to his flock,
one by one. Never did he say, “Sorry, but I'm in a
hurry,” when someone needed Him. And more importantly,
He never said, “Hurry and follow me.”
And for good reason.
Think
about it. When we allow the pace of our lives to get
just plain frantic we are all too likely to end up
acting anything but Christlike. My new visiting teaching
companion told me that last year she and her husband
became overzealous in their desire to serve too many
too much; they hurried themselves into exhaustion
and became just plain crabby and unkind to each other.
They determined to do less this year, but in a more
loving way.
The
Downside of Conventional Christmas Behaviors
In a
department store orientation for Christmas workers,
the trainer said, “This is the season of great irritability.
Everyone is in a hurry. Everyone is stressed. No one
is polite.” What
irony!
Yet how
can we help being drawn into hurry and its attending
irritability at Christmastime? There are only 24 hours
in each day of December, just as in any other month;
yet in addition to all the regular chores — cooking,
laundry, cleaning, errands, church responsibilities
and regular work, we somehow expect to fit in a multitude
of Christmas activities. It is obviously impossible
to fit five times as many activities into a month
and not get worn out.
I need
the same amount of sleep in December — or more than
usual in order to stay healthy — yet I'm inclined
to get much less. I know it is crazy to start projects
in December and think I will miraculously find time
to finish them before the 25th, yet
how many Decembers have I done just that?
It takes
extra time to drive anywhere because of traffic; it
takes extra time to shop because of the crowds — yet
I hurry and expect to get more done in less time than
usual. I want to serve much more than usual when I
have fewer discretionary hours than any other time.
Unrealistic expectations and over-ambitious goals
can wreak havoc with our dispositions.
Perhaps
the first thing we need to do, then, is to prioritize
and pare down our goals. Everyone I'm around will
enjoy the season more if I'm not under pressure. How
many of the gifts I'm planning to give this season
are really meaningful? Will really make a difference?
The gift my family needs most is my love and good
example — and I'm not good at giving it when I am
hurried, pressured, frazzled, worn out, and grouchy
from lack of sleep. It is not a selfish goal to take
care of myself and be realistic in my commitments.
One thing
that has worked for me is to make a “not to do list!”
For example, If I haven't finished a project before
Dec. 1, I put it on my December “not to do list.”
The world is not going to fall down if I don't finish
it until next year.
I select
only a few Christmas concerts, plays, or parties and
remember there's always next year. I put all the rest
on my “not to do list.” I'll enjoy what I do attend
so much more if I'm not worn out from a Christmas
marathon of activities.
If a
traditional task or goal seems daunting, I put it
on my “not to do” list — unless it is one that helps
me think of the “reason for the season.” Long ago
I learned to put on my “not to do list” any kind of
food that takes hours of preparation. There are too
many delicious and even nutritious foods that can
be put together in a jiffy to wear myself out with
the other kind. Any tradition that takes a lot of
time should be evaluated. Is it worth the time? Does
it bring us closer to Christ?
I now
mail cards only to a select few that I know will value
my very personal Christmas letter and need my update
because I don't see them. I send the letter the first
of the month when people might actually have time
to read it. (Christmas letters I get too close to
Christmas I'm inclined to set aside to read later
because I don't have time to sit and enjoy them; I
suspect others feel the same way.)
Many
people wisely put Christmas letters on their “not
to do list” altogether. I have one friend who sends her newsy update
letter for Valentine's Day each year instead of Christmas
— and it is much appreciated. Why does a yearly update
have to be at Christmas anyway? Who says?
Keeping
Gift-Giving in Perspective
Janeen
Brady offers advice concerning gifts:
I
feel that before we purchase gifts we should ask ourselves,
“What is my motive for giving? Is it obligation, is
it to impress or to keep up a front, or am I sincerely
trying to express love and meet a need? By being really
honest with ourselves and choosing not to give expensive
presents we can't afford, we can avoid the depression
and other problems debt brings... there is no need
to feel guilty for not being able to [give more than
we can give,] do more than we can do, or serve more
people than it is possible to serve. Maybe we should
weight our values and make sure we are doing things
for the right reasons. Then if we learn to say NO
to hundreds of things that are optional, focusing
only on those things that are really important, peace
at Christmas might become a reality. (Latter-day
Woman Magazine, Holiday Issue, 1986)
How can
we remember those we love and not find ourselves over-extended?
I often buy a special book or tape in quantity — one
that has changed or lifted my life and that I want
very much to share. I get discounts, and by giving
the same thing to as many as would be appropriate
to the message, I save time and the hassle of decisions
and shopping. I consider well in advance who would
appreciate gifts the mirror my values — for instance
books about the Savior.
Deniece
Schofield suggests the following gift ideas that can
conserve your energy and keep you loving, not hating
your preparations:
- Collect
inexpensive baskets, fill them with fruit, wrap
in cellophane and top with bows. (In one hour you
can have a counter full of gift baskets ready. A
counter full of cookies could take ten times as
long.)
- Give
a favorite recipe as a gift and include one or more
of the ingredients. If you feel you need to give
more, wrap a main dish recipe in a new casserole
dish, or recipe for yummy cookies with a new cookie
sheet.
- Give
things that people constantly need and frequently
run out of: paper
towels, dishcloths and towels, candles, holiday
paper plates and cups, hand lotion, memo pads, Post-It
notes, stamps. A person who lives alone might enjoy
frozen TV dinners prepared from your leftovers.
- For
children, fill plastic boats, dump trucks, or sand
pails with popcorn, caramel corn, Chex party mix,
or other treats. Give jams, jellies, honey, cheese
spreads, nuts, dried fruits, purchased bakery products
— thoughtful, but time-saving for you!
When
I still have shopping to do in December, I remember
that those people I'm shopping for — if they love
me at all — would not want me to push myself over
the edge, go into debt, or otherwise mess up my Christmas
by trying too hard to find “the perfect gift.” If
I can't decide quickly, I might give them money, a
gift certificate, or a promissory note for service
or fun times together
A
More Christ-like Focus
When
Jesus walked the earth, the gifts He gave were not
material. He gave compassion to the suffering, strength
to the weak, comfort to those who mourned. When we
focus on those who are truly in need, rather than
scurrying around trying to give to everyone who might
possibly give a card or gift to you or “expect” one
from you, we are being more like Him.
Janice
Kapp Perry said,
Last
year I decided not to send any impersonal Christmas
cards. Instead I chose five people who were really
suffering from serious problems or losses. I wrote
them each a deeply personal letter of understanding
and concern. I told them I knew how difficult this
season must be for them and expressed my love... I
truly believe the most Christlike thing we can do
at Christmas is to reach out to people who are suffering.
If we do that, we don't need to harbor guilt for all
the millions of other things we don't get done” (Latter-day
Woman Magazine, Holiday Issue, 1986).
I love
her idea because it sounds so unhurried and loving.
Most
of all, as we think about celebrating Christ's birth,
we should focus on our main goal of being His disciples.
“By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples,
if ye have love one to another” (John 13:35). This
Christmas season let's show our love for the Savior
by repenting of our hurry habits so we can be more
like Him. Let's remember that He never hurried, and
gave only of himself. Let's make it a priority to
slow down enough to stay intact and healthy so that
we can follow His example and be His disciples by
extending love to one another. Merry unhurried Christmas!
