The Miracle of Recovery
By Patricia Potts
Edited by Colleen Harrison and Darla Isackson
With Introduction by Darla Isackson

My friend Patricia Potts called me one night about six years ago and asked if I could drive her to the LDS Family Services sponsored Addiction Recovery Program (ARP) support group she had been attending. I hate to think that I might otherwise have missed that experience altogether.

When we arrived I felt like a fish out of water. I wanted to make a “disclaimer” and let everyone know I didn't need to be there. Still, I knew that Patricia was finding help here for the problems we both struggled with — codependency with a child who was doing drugs, people pleasing, depression, perfectionism, and workaholism. These problems were all co-addictions of a sort. However, I wasn't sure I wanted these strangers to know about my son Brian — or about my personal struggles.  (My lifelong need to “look good” was still alive and well.) I was soon to learn, as Patricia already had, that the Twelve Steps applied to any seemlngly “unsolvable”problem.

As people began sharing their stories, I thought, I'm not used to all this honesty, to people freely admitting the deepest struggles of their lives. It was a new and somehow uncomfortable experience to hear several admit their utter dependence on the Savior, their undying gratitude for the Atonement because they knew nothing else could save them from their addictions. However, even as I squirmed in my seat, I felt a strange sense of envy of these humble people; something deep inside whispered: “Here is much here to learn.”

Over the years I returned to that circle of love many times and benefited greatly. I have rejoiced as I've watched Patricia emerge from a life controlled by depression and codependency to a life of strength, personal progress, and freedom. The more whole and well she becomes, the more fully she is able to serve the Savior she has always loved. The strength of character she has developed amazes me. She has become a facilitator in the LDS Family Services Addiction Recovery Program (ARP) and serves as a coordinator in the Utah Sandy Agency.

During her years of involvement in this program, Patricia has come to know, love and learn from hundreds of  participants. In the following article, Patricia illustrates the effectiveness and the breadth of the ARP through true stories of some who have been involved. In a question and answer section at the end of the article she tells how to find meeting locations. There might be meetings in your area!

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The threads of addiction to pornography, drugs (legal and illicit), tobacco or alcohol are too often woven indiscriminately into the fabric of family life—even in LDS homes.  Sometimes they are introduced by current family members;  sometimes these off-colored threads were woven into the family patterns generations ago and still distort the design of a family's life today.  These threads are spun by the adversary of all righteousness and happiness—even Satan, who finds addiction to be one of his most powerful tools to damage or destroy the very fabric of family life. Why? Because addictions affect not only the addict, but everyone involved. Watch for those threads in the following true stories.

The stories I have chosen for this article show significant progress in just a few years. However, many parents and/or spouses are still waiting and hoping for their loved ones to change.  Others, like Darla, have lost their loved ones to death. Recovery meetings are not only for addicts. Many family members find peace through the support and fellowship of the recovery meetings even when their loved ones do not attend and do not change. Many gain the courage to quit enabling their addicted loved one, while at the same time learning to understand the struggle their loved ones are experiencing. Many have found a greater sense of peace in the midst of their trials as they apply the Twelve Steps themselves.  One wife in our group had to come to grips with the reality that her husband simply didn't want to change. He moved out of State to live with his drug-using friends, and she had to find a new life without him. Attending recovery meetings gave her the fellowship and focus on the Savior that she needed to move ahead with faith. With that explanation, let's start with the story of a woman who chose to use the pseudonym Anna Marie, and who tells her story in first person.

Anna Marie's Story

“It’s all my fault,” I lamented to my friend. “Surely if I had been a better mom and hadn’t been working such long hours, my daughter wouldn’t have turned to drugs and alcohol.  What was I thinking?” As my daughter's behavior worsened, it was as though she were a wild colt; my husband threw one rope after another trying to rein her in, to no avail.  I tried to stay close to her as she kicked and fought and bit her way through every restraint. I often felt bruised, cut, and torn between my love for my husband and my love for my daughter.

As I tried to get to sleep one night I wondered what lay ahead. I dreaded another day.  My spirit was broken and my strength was ebbing. Where could I turn for help? I recalled a friend's mention of a support group for addicts and their family members.  She said it helped her with the bad choices her children were making — and she did seem to be more peaceful lately.  I called her, and it seemed more than coincidence that she and her husband (who was a facilitator for the Addiction Recovery Program) were going to a meeting that very night. She invited me to accompany them and I accepted. As I entered the room, I was nervous. Would anyone know me? Could this really help me? 

As people arrived, many of them greeted and hugged each other with smiles and warmth. I felt like I was intruding on someone else’s family reunion, and once again I wondered what I was doing there.  As soon as we were seated, a missionary named Bill introduced himself and read the mission statement, including: “What is said here is confidential and should not be repeated to others.”  That set me at ease. Then he began talking about Step One.  The part that caught my attention was, “To recognize that our lives had become unmanageable.” That sure felt like me! He explained Step One and how it applied to his life. The Twelve Steps had helped Bill cope since his son's drug-related suicide. He expressed how much he wished he had known about the program before his son had died. 

I was touched by Bill’s story and could see parts and pieces of it playing out in the life of my family.  When he finished his five-minute sharing, the facilitator took over.  He told his story, then we went around the table and each person was given a chance to share whatever they wanted to — their pain, their progress, their past. 

On that first night when it was my turn to share, I cried. My tears released guilt, pain and anger. Brother Bill had promised that if we would follow the principles that we learn in our meetings, we would find greater peace. We were reminded that daily personal prayer and scripture study was vital in our recovery.  I was also counseled to come to the Recovery meeting for extra support and inspiration during this difficult time. I decided that night that I would do my best to do my part and let God do His work. I was reminded of the brass serpent in Moses' day that offered healing; I gained a testimony that as I followed the principles and began to see my life and actions in a new way I could “look and live.”

I felt that my despair had been replaced with hope. Before I left the room that first night, one sister embraced me and said “Don’t come to recovery meetings for your daughter; come for yourself! There’s something here for you to learn.” She was right.

In the meetings I heard the term “approval addict” used to described someone dependent on the approval of others for their well-being, I felt it described me perfectly. Like a sick person finally diagnosed correctly and given the right medication, I began to feel hope for my own recovery — no matter what my daughter might choose. As I continued to attend the meetings, my feelings of loneliness and isolation began to melt away like snow crystals in the sun. I heard story after story of brothers and sisters who were learning to go from fear to faith.  I related to their comments; I learned from them.

Since those first meetings I attended more than six years ago, our family has been healed in many ways.  It wasn't always easy to go to meeting. Sometimes it was inconvenient and I felt guilty when I left my family to attend. However, my family quickly saw that I was a better person when I went, so they encouraged me to keep going. I told one person that I felt I was living my life with a 40-watt light bulb before going to Recovery meetings and a 2000-watt bulb afterward.

The program did not offer me a short-term fix, but a long-term solution.  I learned that it would take a lifetime commitment to study and to live by true principles, many of which I learned through the Twelve-Steps. One of the lessons I gained from a group meeting was more peace in prayer. My prayers for our daughter changed from “bless her to come to Recovery and to go to Sacrament Meeting this week, to “bless her to have the experiences she needs in order to return to God.”  After praying that prayer for nearly six months, the Spirit led us to put her into a Twelve-Step-based full-time drug rehab program. We continued praying, and in the intervening years we’ve seen many miracles. Although she had a rocky road after rehab, she eventually turned more and more to the light; she was recently married in the temple.  What a blessed miracle as I saw her circle of love just beginning as she knelt in her white dress with her groom across the altar in the sealing room. I felt such gratitude for all the circles of love I had experienced through the Recovery Program.

The True Story of “Any Lengths Mike”

Mike groaned as he turned his swollen face and aching body to the cold cinderblock wall; jail walls were getting all too familiar.  Drugs and alcohol were warred inside his head like wasps fighting over raw meat.

Mike held his stomach and curled into a ball as another wave of nausea assaulted him.  The cursing of men in a neighboring cell further dulled his spiritual senses and he wondered what he had done to land himself in jail this time around.

Mike began to think of the LDS home he grew up in and of his active, caring parents.  Like the prodigal son, he had left the Church; he had chosen forbidden paths for over 30 years.  Where had he gone wrong, he wondered?  Was there anything he could do to find his way back to peace?  He was unemployed — fired from his most recent job. His marriage to a woman with severe addiction problems was over too. She was deemed an unfit mother and unless Mike cleaned up his act his kids might go into foster care.

When Mike was released from jail his first thought was of his two children.  He was terrified of losing them, and finally sought help from his family who encouraged him to go back to church.  It was there that his Sunday school teacher, Bruce, told him about the LDS Family Services Addiction Recover Program and invited him to a fireside about addiction recovery.  He felt comfortable with the people he met at the fireside, and agreed to go with Bruce to a regular Addiction Recovery meeting. (He doesn't think it was a coincidence that Bruce was his Sunday school teacher and also a facilitator in the Recovery Program.)

Mike shuffled into his first recovery meeting in a nearby ward building with head bent and shoulders rounded.  At this point of surrender, he wanted badly to get better, yet he had little hope for recovery. A part of him dared the program to make a difference because all past attempts at rehabilitating him had failed.  Why should this one be different?  As Mike entered the room he was greeted by an older man and woman who introduced themselves as “the missionaries.” As people filed in, many of them greeted Bruce and each other with hugs, hellos, and laughter.  Mike had the sense of being the only stranger in a group of friends. He felt as if he were watching a TV screen — part of the experience, yet a world away. When they noticed him, he wasn’t sure he was ready for all the friendliness. 

At 7:30 one of the missionaries greeted everyone and read a mission statement: “We are a group of Brothers and Sisters who wish to support one another through sharing our experiences, faith and hope.”  These words settled into Mike’s heart like warm rain on a summer’s night because he knew he needed the experience of faith and hope. Thus began Mike’s true recovery.

As Mike did his part, attending daily meeting, studying and praying, his parents were supportive and helped with his two children. His love for his children and desire to keep them with him provided great motivation for him to stick with the program even when it was hard. After nearly a year of following the principles taught in the Addiction Recovery Program and applying intense effort and dedication, the story of Mike’s life began to change dramatically. He began to believe that recovery was possible for him — not through his own will power, but through the help of God and the atonement of Christ. Mike read and studied He Did Deliver Me from Bondage.

Mike also read and re-read the booklet The Unseen Enemy by Bob Gray, a recovering alcohol and drug addict himself. He was greatly inspired by Bob's story. Even with all this encouragement and testimony from others, it was impossible for Mike to foresee the miraculous changes the Lord would bring into his life sooner than he dared hope. Just one short year later, Mike was ready to enter the temple. He remembers looking up at the spires of the temple as he walked forward and thought of all the years he had walked backward, away from church, away from home, and away from the light of the Lord.  He thought about this past year and his new friends. Smiling, Mike recalled the night he arrived late to a recovery meeting and crawled under the table to get to an empty chair.  That night, the facilitator renamed him “Any Lengths Mike” and the name had stuck.

It hadn't been an easy year, but in spite of all the obstacles he had encountered, this time he knew his progress was real and that he would not go back to his old way of life. He was determined to continue on this new and satisfying path. His reminiscing stopped as the doors of the temple opened and the portrait of Jesus invited him home. 

Attending the temple wasn't the end of Mike's story, of course. He has had to develop more patience than he thought possible in the subsequent years. At the end of the first year he did have a job and a temple recommend, but he continues working toward other goals. Knowing there is no “cure” for his addictions, he constantly maintains his dedication to the Lord and the new life he's been blessed with in order to meet his continuing challenges. Mike knows he must “hold to the rod” — which for him means faithfully remembering daily prayers and scripture study, and continuing to go to recovery meetings. He now attends some of those meetings as a part-time recovery missionary — a calling he earnestly desired for a long time before he received it. Mike is finding that helping others choose and stay on the church-service path is the surest way to keep himself on it. He decided years ago that he would go to “any lengths” to do so!

John's Story (a compilation of the real-life experiences of several men whose names are withheld)

John rubbed his tired eyes as he leaned back in his chair for a minute and focused on something other than the computer screen. He was paid on a salary basis and it didn’t seem to matter to his boss how many hours he had to put in to get the work done. 

He stretched and walked around a little.  It was late at night; his wife Sherrie and their three school-age children had gone to bed long ago, and all he could hear was the ticking of the clock.  “I’ve got so much to do before morning,” he moaned as he returned to the computer. 

There, on the screen, was the image of an alluring woman, urging him to take his mind off his work. Looking at his clock, John thought that a five-minute break would be good for him; he decided to satisfy his curiosity. 

The next screen that popped up was a little suggestive (but not anything he hadn’t seen on TV or in a movie), and it did help take his mind off his stress and the anger he felt towards his boss.  John browsed a bit, then returned to his work to meet his deadline.

A week later he was facing yet another deadline and once again he clicked on the site for a break.  John found that it was a fast way to rejuvenate. Soon, he was like the proverbial frog who sat contentedly in a pan of water as it slowly increased in heat.  John found himself going to the site more often, and to other sites like it.  He was barely aware how hot the water was getting.

Over the years that followed, he rationalized to himself.  At first it was, “I work so hard, I have to have something to give me a break,” and “It’s not that big of a deal.” Later he told himself, “It’s not hurting anyone else.”  Eventually his excuse was, “Well, nobody is perfect.”

During this time John attended many church meetings where the dangers of pornography were discussed, but he turned off that part of the meeting by saying to himself, “I’ll stop when things at work settle down. It’s not real pornography, anyway.”  Yet, as he would shave in the morning and look at himself in the mirror he knew something in his countenance spoke of the lie he had come to believe.  In honest moments he had to admit that he had to get his “fix” at least three times a week now. 

John began to display the symptoms of an addict.  He was controlling and became angry about little things; at times he didn’t want to go to social events that he used to enjoy.  He spent less time with his wife and children and more time with the computer and TV.   His wife always seemed to be busy filling in the time he left vacant, and he would tell himself, “I wouldn’t have this problem if my wife wasn’t so busy all the time.”  It was her fault that he turned to the screen for female companionship — companionship that now seemed to play in his mind both night and day.

The turning point for John came when he found a pornographic magazine in his eleven-year-old son’s bedroom.  When he confronted his son with, “Where did this filth come from?” his son flopped on the bed, shrugged his shoulders and said “You look at it too, Dad!”

John was livid.  Angrily he stomped out of the house and into the snowy night, splashing puddles in the wet snow.  “How dare he!” he exploded. “How could he know?”  Anger rose and fell like stormy ocean waves on the seashore.  John walked that night for nearly three hours. By the time he got home he had admitted to himself that he had a pornography addiction problem and decided that something had to be done about it. He didn’t know what would happen to him if he spoke with his bishop about his problem, but he knew he couldn’t keep on going the way he was. Although he had sworn he would never reveal his secret, he realized that the time had come to beg the Lord to change his icy heart.

John was supposed to teach his son's Sunday school class the next day.  He wanted to call and ask to be released immediately.  The thought of facing his son was terrifying.  As it turned out, the lesson that week was honesty, which spurred him on to make an appointment with his bishop.

Two days later John stood at the chapel doors, his heart pounding and his mind racing. The last thing he wanted to do was discuss this embarrassing problem with his bishop. Despite his strong desire to run away, however, John was a man of his word, and since he had an appointment, he showed up.

John's bishop listened with love and empathy.  He referred John to a confidential pornography addiction support group sponsored by LDS Family Services as a part of their Addiction Recovery Program. The first few times John attended he just listened to other men tell their stories.  He felt comfortable with these men — they were all good men like John. They were men like those he worked with both at home and at church — yet they all had stories similar to his.  They too had been caught in Satan’s snare.  He began to feel less isolated and more supported. He heard many stories of healing and faith, and finally started to share his own story. 

At first John told Sherrie that he had to stay at work late when he was really attending the support groups, but in time he realized the need to share with her the war that was going on in his mind.  He gained courage as he heard others tell about confessing their weaknesses to their loved ones.  John learned that despite the fallout of such an admission, with God’s help, the end result would bring greater peace and healing. 

With the support of his bishop and the friends he had met at recovery meetings, and after many hours in prayer, he sought for the right time to talk to Sherrie about what he feared she already knew. After all the kids were asleep one night he got up his courage and told her. He was right — she had suspected. It humbled him to learn that although she was terribly upset, she was grateful to finally be dealing with the truth and to know that there was a valid reason for her disquieting feelings.

Still, Sherrie resented his encouragement to spend her precious time attending meetings with him because of his bad choices. For awhile, she refused to go and the gulf between them only widened.  Finally when Sherrie came to her own emotional crisis she realized she had to do something or the marriage would be over. Despite her need for emotional release she was still afraid to go. John assured her that the meetings were confidential and that men met in one room and women in another. The separation made her feel more comfortable to share her thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Weeks passed as she and John attended the meetings; as she heard the stories of others, she no longer felt alone.  Understanding began to replace anger, and charity to replace judgment.

John eventually apologized to his son and committed to him that he would do what it took for full recovery. He kept that commitment and found the strength he needed to break his addiction as his relationship with Jesus Christ increased. He learned how to more fully understand and apply the gospel at recovery meetings and through LDS books on the subject of Christ-centered Recovery.  Phil Harrison's book Clean Hands, Pure Heart, and Rod W. Jeppsen's books, such as Turn Yourselves and Live were especially helpful.

John's path was thorny.  He had moments when he slipped, and it required immense determination for him to keep getting up every time he fell, and to ask the Lord for forgiveness each time he relapsed. But his humility and years of continuous effort are paying off.  John is fully aware that he will have to be vigilant for the rest of his life. He finds strength by continuing his involvement in pornography addiction support groups within the Addiction Recovery Program. Because of their mutual willingness to admit the problem and turn to gospel-centered resources for help, Sherrie and John were also on their way to a deeper spirituality and a closer relationship with each other.

Colleen C. Harrison’s Story

(The following paragraphs are quoted by permission from the preface of Colleen C. Harrison's Book of Mormon-based study guide of the Twelve Steps — He Did Deliver Me from Bondage. While Colleen never had a problem with alcohol, drugs, or sexual addiction, she was plagued with one of the most pervasive unhealthy behaviors in the Church — unhealthy eating. She says, “ It is my testimony that some bad habits — including this one — can escalate and entrench themselves in a person's life so deeply that they can only be overcome by admitting they are an addiction and turning to the Lord for help.”)

In 1981 I tipped the scale at over 300 pounds and believe me, I was the most miserable “active” Latter-day Saint I knew. I didn’t come to the recognition of “I can’t” [beat these problems without God's help] quickly. No, I felt it was my duty to do all I could to resolve this mess I was in by myself. After all, aren’t we supposed to be self-sufficient?  After fifteen years of insanity — and it is insanity to be on such a course of self-destruction — I knew I was licked, down for the count. I had to be willing to give all or I would die and I knew it.

I stepped off the scale and literally crawled to my bedside and crumpled there, as tears finally came — tears of complete surrender to God.  No words, no excuses, no pleadings, no answers — just tears.  If I had known then how close divine help was, I might have heard a spiritual witness, as did Daniel of old: “Fear not, [Colleen]: for from the first day that thou didst set thine heart to understand [instead of dictate], and to chasten [purify] thyself before thy God, thy words were heard and I am come for thy words. (Daniel 10:12)

After I was finally through crying, I dragged myself up and sat on the side of my bed.  A new spirit came over me. I knew I was now willing to go to any length, to pay any price, to do whatever God wanted me to do.  I wasn’t running the show anymore, bargaining with life for a penny.

Within a few days a friend of mine picked me up to take me to a Twelve-step meeting.  I was terrified of interaction with strangers, yet I found myself being lifted and sustained by a power greater than my own.  I was beginning to realize why this program had such a high success rate. It was totally focused on turning us to God and our relationship with him (see Moroni 7:13.)

What have I found since my first exposure to Twelve-Step programs 23 years ago?  I’ve found a formula of success that has not only helped me through my overeating problem (I now weigh less than half) but through the death of my daughter, the healing of childhood abuse, the devastation of divorce and countless other difficulties both large and small.

I’ve come to realize that life is not to teach us self-reliance and self-sufficiency — but to bring us to a place of complete humility, to consider ourselves fools before (and without) God (2 Nephi 9:42.)  Yet, with God nothing is impossible.  

Ten years later, in 1991, Colleen was instrumental in starting Heart t' Heart, a network of support groups based on her Book of Mormon-based version of the Twelve Steps and the Twelve Traditions that originated with Alcoholics Anonymous. This network, though not affiliated with the Church, is a community resource specifically designed for LDS people. Information about Heart t' Heart and its meeting locations can be found online by going to www. heart-t-heart.org. Heart t' Heart also sponsors an online recovery support group for those who are unable to attend a group in person. Colleen's book, He Did Deliver Me from Bondage has helped many realize recovery by applying the Twelve Steps as they are validated in the principles of the Gospel and the teachings of the Book of Mormon. Colleen continues to write recovery literature based on the teachings of the prophets and the scriptures in order to support and encourage recovery from addiction, abuse and loss.  

If You Choose to Attend, You’ll Be Glad You Did

Addiction Recovery Program support groups sponsored through LDS Family Services are full of honesty, humility and healing power.  They are a place where the Light of Christ and the Holy Ghost are able to touch the hearts of the participants deeply and profoundly — literally facilitating life-changing insights and testimony. This is especially true of those who are willing to humble themselves; when a person allows the Lord to guide his or her life, miracles begin to happen.

Questions and Answers

How can I find out more about the LDS Family Services Addiction Recovery Program?

You can now check online for  recovery meetings near you and for additional support information at www.lds.org which will take you to the Church home page. Then click in order:

1.    Provident living

2.    Social and emotional strength

 3.    Addiction recovery support.

You then select your area; the schedule of locations and times will come up. The phone number to call for more information at Family Services is 1-800-453-3860 ext. 2-3646.

What if my addicted loved one won’t go?

Then go yourself.  There is much to be learned there about the illness of addiction, how it is affects your loved one, and how you can best help them. The principles you will learn will bless yourself and your family whether he/she goes or not.  In some cases loved one begin coming with the person who is attending because they see the changes.

Much of the benefit I derive from the Addiction Recovery Program comes directly from the fellowship and wisdom I find in the support groups.  There is also benefit from obtaining the manuals available through the ARP program. 

Who may benefit from the Addiction Recovery Program?

Those persons struggling from addictive behavior as well as their loved ones can benefit greatly from this Christ-centered approach to recovery.

Why are support groups helpful?

Bill, a missionary in the program who lost his son to drugs and alcohol said “If you take a two-by-four and try to stand it on its end, it will fall.  If you take ten or twenty two-by-fours and bundle them together and stand them on end, even if you put a hundred pounds of pressure on the top, the bundle will remain standing.  If we band together through our brother Jesus Christ and help one another we can handle the pressure of just about anything. When we try to do it alone, we fall.”

In the Deseret Morning News of Thursday, March 28, 2004, we read, “Experts in addiction treatment agree that kicking the habit rests in large part with the acceptance on the part of addicts that they cannot do it alone.”

The book, One Day at a Time distributed by the Alanon organization states, “Somehow it makes my own burdens easier to live with when I hear the stories of others at the Alanon meetings.  Sharing experiences, strength and hope acts like a medicine on the spirit, giving us a perspective on ourselves and our woes … I do not go merely for the relief of airing my own problems, but to learn from others.”

What is the cost?

There is no fee, no referral is needed and the groups are confidential. Attending these groups cost nothing but a willingness to work the program.  Every time I read 2 Nephi 26:25, “milk and honey without money and without price,” I think of Recovery.

Note:

 Websites that offer addiction recovery publications for LDS Audiences:

www.rosehavenpublishing.com

 www.deseretbook.com1-800-453-4532

www.Mentalhealthlibrary.info.

Additional Support

e-mail me through patripotts@comcast.net if you would like information on a volunteer on-line support groups 365 days a year or a list of volunteer parents whose children have struggled with addiction and who offer their time, understanding and a listening ear.