I apologize for being so late,
and for making one letter serve for two months. I have
been away a lot and time has slipped out of my grasp. And
also, I am away again on April 5th, and will
not have more than a day or two at home before the end of
the month. What a good thing I can write as I travel regular
manuscript and have it typed up when I return. I don’t
even need an electric source, because I use pen and paper.
After a whole winter which
was like spring, we now have a spring which is like winter.
Actually the real snow came a few weeks ago, but melted
again quickly, then more fell . . . and so on. The garden
is full of flowers: daffodils, the last snowdrops, primroses,
pansies, irises, winter aconite, wallflowers, hellebore,
polyanthus and sheets of crocuses in lilac, purple and gold.
The bare branches are budding and it is all bursting with
life. The snow does not seem to have damaged anything,
and while it was here it was truly beautiful. We had days
when the whole land was sheeted in dazzling white, every
twig of every tree crusted with snow. Across the water
the mountains were white from sky to sea, and the air and
water shimmering blue so bright it was difficult to look
at, and yet so marvelous you had to!
And admittedly, we could use
the precipitation. We have been far too dry, too long.
I have loads of
things to do, but that is good. It must be terrible to
have too little. Time is one of the greatest gifts we are
given, and it would be a tragedy to let any of it slip away
wasted. I am very conscious that life needs to go on for
ever to get even half the things done that would be fun,
useful, exciting, or of value one way or another.
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Today, Sunday 26th,
I was here to go to Church, and it was one of the best days.
Everyone seemed to think so. Because of Conference next
week, it was both Mother’s Day and I found myself thinking
of friends, and my mother, who was my first friend. She
taught me so much about sharing, work and play, patience,
laughter, imagination, how to teach and how to learn, and
I think above all, courage to take hold of life and live
it to the full, the pleasure and the pain.
I have been blessed with good
friends, more and more as time has gone on. Some I am related
to by blood, some not, but whatever the nature of the bond,
the ages of the people or the circumstances, I think friendship
is at the core of all those relationships that are precious.
And the best of all, we accept that God is our friend, but
I would like to live in such a way that one day He could
truly say that I have learned to be His friend also. A
high aim, but where else would one wish to look?
In Sunday School one teacher
began by asking us to imagine that we had just died, and
to think of all the things that we would wish to go back
and do differently. Matters left undone, forgiveness not
given, rifts not mended, wrongs not addressed, any number
of things we would love to change, now when it was too late.
Then, of course, he reminded
us that we are still alive, and it is not too late at all!
In fact it is exactly the right time to do it. A very instructive
exercise, and one that should be entered into at regular
intervals. One day it will be true. How much better to
be able to say – ‘I’m glad I did’, rather than ‘I wish I
had’. We will never accomplish everything, because one
of the most beautiful things about the Gospel is that growth
is endless, and mistakes can be forgiven and learned from.
But for all that, there are
times and seasons when things are done best, and NOW is
a terrific time for lots of things, especially for deciding
what kind of person we really wish to be, and seeing where
progress can be made.
Recently I watched someone
do something cruel and seemingly pretty stupid. I thought
‘Is that really who you want to be? Spiteful, full of petty
vengeances, foul mouthed, ill-tempered and extremely childish.
Can you see yourself?’
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Then I began to think – ‘Can
I see myself?’ How far am I from who I really wish to be?
This time is so very precious, this opportunity to do it
better, be gentler, wiser, kinder, should never be wasted.
One day it will be over, and then I will have missed out.
When the end comes, let me at least be found trying to be
the best I can. There will always be room for improvement,
but to be perfect is NOT to be without fault, it is to be
doing our best, honestly, without excuses, laziness or cowardice.
Growth is endless. There is no point, even in eternity,
when we can sit down and say ‘Now I know it all and there
is nothing more to do’!
Surely that is the greatest
gift God ever gave us? Endlessness! No dusk beyond which
there is not a dawn with new tasks to perform, new places
to discover, something new to build, someone to teach, or
to learn from, and above all to love. When we slip off
the path, there is a hand stretched out to help us back
up again, and opportunities to be the one stopping and leaning
over to offer that hand.
Which brings me to the subject
of forgiveness. There are always events which bring this
blessing to mind, but one or two things happened recently
to waken new thoughts in me, and far more complicated ones.
To receive forgiveness is sublime, to give it is not only
a blessing but a commandment, and the two are inextricably
linked. If we cannot or do not give it, we cannot receive
it. And there is no human being on earth who does not need
it. The weight of the sin is immaterial, to do less than
the best you can, whatever that may be, is to fall short.
There are sins of commission when we do ugly, petty or grubby
things. There are sins of omission when we could have helped,
but chose to pass by on the other side.
But there are also times when
we are close to someone who is doing something that we know
is destructive, possibly very seriously so, and yet we keep
on forgiving them, and in doing so we enable them to continue
on a downward path. We might have checked them, helped
stop the ill, and we did not, perhaps through error of judgement.
But also perhaps it was because we were afraid of what it
might cost us, the loss of a relationship we valued, an
aloneness which would be painful to us. But in doing what
we felt was forgiving, we actually became part of the sin,
whatever it was. Very few sins affect only one person.
Usually the ripples spread outwards and damage many, perhaps
only slightly, perhaps very much.
The big question is where does
forgiveness, and unconditional love, as we see it, actually
become complicity in the destruction of the very person
we believe we are helping?
The answer is not at all easy,
and we mistake it often. In struggling towards an answer,
I thought of Christ’s love for all of us. He will forgive.
He died to redeem us. And I think the word ‘redeem’ is
the key. Redemption means that we change from being the
person who did not understand and see the destruction to
ourselves of whatever the ugliness was. We begin to become
someone who sees it very clearly, more clearly than someone
who has never touched it, and wishes above all things to
be a different and better person. We see at least some
part of the beauty of compassion, honour, courage, generosity
etc. and hungered for it with a consuming desire.
So perhaps forgiveness is complete
when the person begins to change. As long as they intend
to remain exactly as they are, then if we forgive, we are
enabling them to be comfortable in the sin. Is that love?
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I have grave doubts as to whether
it is. I count those my true friends who help me to become
better, NOT those who reinforce me in my errors when I have
not seen them, or not understood their nature.
But it is a difficult call
to make, and often a painful one. Love, of any sort, is
not always easy, or always received well or returned. Most
certainly it is not always comfortable. I pray that if
I find myself in a situation when I have to make such a
judgement, I will be on my knees seeking guidance, and I
will recognize it when I hear it, and have the courage and
the humility to act upon it.
Easy to say – another thing
to do.
It is one of the greatest blessings
of being a writer - the chance to think upon really difficult
dilemmas. If the answer is easy, there is not much point
in exploring it. But one of the most rewarding aspects
of writing books that are read by others, is that some people
write letters back and say how they see principles that
they care about and believe in. Now and then someone will
ask what religion I am, or counsel me that gifts of writing,
or any of other sort, are from God. (Which of course I
know!) It is a communication of great value to me.
I have also been doing a little
reading on the faiths of other people. How many of the
fundamental concepts are like ours! Always love and honour
are paramount, the duty to keep one’s word looms very large
indeed. A promise must never be broken, in any circumstances,
whatever the cost.
That brings to mind in our
knowledge that the word of God CANNOT go out and return
empty. Would that we could say the same of our own word.
How often have any of us been promised something: I’ll
be there! I’ll do that! I’ll make it, pay it, carry the
message, do it in plenty of time – and then it does not
happen!
It used to be that a person’s
word was their bond. There would be no wriggling out, no
changing the time, the amount, the price or the conditions.
Nothing needed to be on paper. Trust was there, people
did not lie, evade or cut corners. Of course that was only
in certain industries, but in the underwriting of insurance
that is how it was. The insurance was in place from the
moment the risk was accepted on the telephone, before any
money changed hands.
Shouldn’t our given word be
as good as that? Does an honest person make a promise they
know they might not be able to keep? Isn’t that a form
of lie?
How would we feel if God made
us a promise that if we did something then He would respond
in a certain way, and then upon our obedience, He said ‘Oh
– changed my mind. It’ll cost you more’. It will never
happen. We trust God precisely because we know He will
always keep his word, maybe not in the time we would like
– but in the time that is BEST. If He lied, for convenience
sake, or forgetfulness, or any other reason, He would cease
to be God. The law of heaven cannot be shifted around to
be more profitable to God, more suitable to His schedule,
or because He has had a better offer, from someone who is
a cheaper or more skilled or diligent servant than we are.
Could we expect to meet God
face to face, and get away with an answer like that? ‘I
couldn’t be bothered! So and so offered me more money!
I forgot! I decided to keep it for myself! I didn’t really
want to go! It made me uncomfortable!’
Think of Christ in Gethsemane,
or on the cross, and try one of those as an excuse. We,
of all people, know better.
This is not really a time for
New Year resolutions, but right now is a good time for any
resolution – I want to work harder to be the best within
myself, and then improve on that with more knowledge, more
courage, more ability to listen to others and think of their
needs.
But to the question in Sunday
School – if I wake up and I am NOT dead, but alive and well,
what do I most wish to change and do better? Same thing
as before – have a stronger faith, more trust in God, more
willingness to walk forward along the path that I cannot
see. I know where it could end, if I do it the best, the
very best I can, the honest best, and that should be enough
– for all of us!
I pray you have a good month,
forward into the greater warmth and sunlight not only literally
(in the northern hemisphere - I know it is winter coming
in the southern) but far more importantly, spiritually.
Pictures of the snow nearby
– now gone - by my friend Meg again.
