LETTER FROM THE HIGHLANDS
By Anne Perry
In a sense this is the beginning of a new era for my letters. I have just finished re-reading all the old ones from January, 2001 until April, 2004, in preparation for publishing them in book form later this year. I shudder at some of the mistakes I let through, and considering my appalling handwriting, the blame is mine, not my poor secretary’s. But I am grateful for the chance to tidy them up, take out repetitions, and polish a few parts to be more fluent.
But I found how deeply I still mean the things I said about faith, hope, courage and honour. It reminded me of the best in myself, which will carry me forward into the future. That is at least one reason for writing a form of journal, and occasionally re-reading it to capture the good that can too easily become submerged by daily events.
I dare say many of us are feeling a sense of darkness at the moment, and it is in places where we may not have thought it would be, although when you think about it, the closer it is, the more it will hurt, so should we not have been forewarned?
I feel it is a time to think most deeply and prepare a storehouse of spiritual strength to draw on when things are hardest. We need thoughts well-seasoned by prayer, study that encompasses all manner of situations, until we have some grasp of who in the past has succeeded, and why; and who has failed, and why! Above all we need an inward belief as to what we value, and what price we are willing to pay to attain it, and to preserve what we already have. And that cost may be high.
We must not allow ourselves to be misled, to mistake loyalty to people for loyalty to God. It can creep upon us step by step: a small favour to one who begs for something wrong, an emotional manipulation, the loneliness of exclusion because we will not do as they wish. And there are many real dangers: rigidness, self-righteousness, quickness to judge, intolerance of that which is not wrong but merely different. These are ugly qualities which easily lead to arrogance. Decisions are not always easy.
Obedience can be good, but without knowledge and understanding it is a hollow thing, and can lead to destruction of the soul. When you know better, ‘But he told me to’, does not excuse.
I used to think that the Nuremberg Trials after World War Two had seared into the human consciousness for ever that obeying orders does NOT excuse monstrous behaviour. Not even the threat to our own lives vindicates us from responsibility for what we do. That choice is appalling. No sane person suggests it is anything less. But what is the price in eternity if one chooses to commit the atrocity to save one’s own life? That is a judgement for God, but I fear the cost may be very high.
God gave EVERY one of us agency to choose. It can be affected by many things: mental illness or defect, betrayal, emotional trauma, manipulation, deceit, medication, physical illness, even foods and allergies can alter judgement to a degree.
But for most of us, most of the time, we not only have the opportunity to choose, we have the obligation. And that means we need to be very anxiously engaged in learning for ourselves what we believe is right, not because someone else says so, whoever they are or however righteous, or whatever position they hold, but because we know, in a way that can be added to, but cannot be swept away by love or hate, fear or reward, or any other emotional circumstance.
Does it hurt you to be excluded, and to feel different and inferior? Me too. I never knew anyone it did not.
Do you ever feel lonely, embarrassed, humiliated, confused, frightened? Do you doubt yourself, or worse, do you doubt God? I think we all do. These pains are common to the human condition. Therefore we can be sure that to inflict them on others knowingly, or through carelessness or indifference, has to be wrong. We understand what it feels like to suffer these things, we do not need to be told.
To Know God
How well do any of us know God? There are certain things we do know about Him. He created all there is in its infinite beauty and complexity. He must love beauty. It is impossible to imagine He is lazy, careless, or incompetent. Look at a butterfly if you doubt that. Some live only for a day, yet see the glory of them.
He must have a sense of humour. Look at us!
He has perfect honour and integrity. He has said His word CANNOT go forth and return empty.
He will deny NO ONE their agency – no matter what error or evil we might commit with it. Look at the Adversary – even he did not forfeit his right to choose!
Therefore some things we know without doubt. We should not be lazy ever! A half-hearted effort is not Godly; if it is worth doing at all, give it your best try. Laughter is fine, if there is love in it. Breaking your word, making promises you do not try to keep is unacceptable. Unrighteous dominion over another is taking unto yourself a power even GOD will not exercise. That must be the last arrogance, and the great sin which defines the Adversary. It robs us of the power to become who we could, because the lesson is removed.
But when we choose to obey without thought, are we not perhaps throwing away the chance that God has given us? To be robbed by others, or by circumstance, is a loss that God can make up, and I believe He will, if not in this life, then afterwards. But willingly to throw it away is a different matter. That too is a choice.
I have never thought of mindless obedience in quite that way before, but when I do, I can see at least whose plan it is! Perhaps I would benefit by thinking more often of the nature of the Plan of Salvation, the depth of the choices given us then, and EXACTLY what they were, and what they mean. Then maybe I would not even need to be reminded of the corroding poison of moral or intellectual cowardice; of the laziness of mind and soul which will not learn for itself, which does not endlessly seek more light and greater understanding; of the supreme arrogance which will use pride, manipulation, coercion to exercise power over others and remove from them their agency to do and to behave as they will (as long as it is within the law which preserves the same rights for others, of course.)
Not Only Say, But Do
Not all faiths believe these things, so now it is especially important that we not only SAY that we believe, but LIVE it. People will believe what we do, and so they should. After all, that is who we are! What we say is who we would like to become – if we are speaking honestly. Unfortunately we are not always as honest as we would like. We slip, we forget, we misunderstand, we try and at times fall short. Also we can become discouraged, too deeply hurt for a while, or just too tired. We are allowed to rest, regroup, and then start again.
Language can deceive us. We have fallen into a pattern of using so many euphemisms that meaning has become blurred. There is no place for crude language and it becomes no one, but exact language is necessary. We can think only in words, when we lose their meaning we have debased the value of thought. This is a pretty big idea, but I believe it is true.
Many matters are not simple, but politicians’ answers can become so lost in a blizzard of words that it is difficult to extract a meaning at all – sometimes I can’t! I listen carefully, and still don’t know whether they meant ‘yes’ or ‘no’.
I have done things I should not have, made errors of many sorts, quite plainly done things that were wrong! I developed four rules for myself which have served me well. When challenged with wrong-doing:
1. Never blame anyone else. Even if someone else should justifiably take some of the blame, it always looks ugly. You are responsible for your own part in whatever it was. Accept that, and leave the rest.
2. Never be sorry for yourself. Even if there was injustice, it looks as if you are wriggling and trying to excuse yourself.
3. Never lie. It’s wrong and it’s dangerous. It will come back one day, in some form or another. Either tell the truth, admit you don’t know, or say nothing at all.
4. Never lose your temper. When you’ve lost your temper you’ve lost control, not only of yourself but of the whole situation. It is unbecoming and dangerous.
It is odd how often trying to cover up a fault ends in an even worse situation than originally. How many times have we seen public figures lie about an event, and ultimately fall from office, not over the offence they were accused of, but over the lies afterwards to try and conceal it?
Of course morally we should not lie at all. But we are human and the temptation is great. It takes a person of supreme courage to admit when they believe that they have a chance to deny and conceal. But it is wrong – it is also something which does not work! To the original sin will be added lies, cowardice, and even the possibility that someone else will be blamed for our wrong.
It is so easy to fall instinctively into the first error, the emotional denial or excuse, then not know how to get out. It is difficult, pressures from others can be intense, fear makes us react foolishly at times, and then it is even more difficult to get back to the right place again.
All of which means that we need sufficient memory of our own misdeeds to have compassion with others who fall, and remember how different their paths may have been from ours. We need patience to think before we act; integrity to cling to what is right, whether it is comfortable, convenient, easy to live with or hard; humility to remember that every person is a child of God, and no more or less important than we are, there is no ‘them and us’, we are ALL ‘us’. And perhaps now above all we need courage. Most people can face forward when what is ahead is bright and full of promise. There’s little credit in that. It is facing forward, when it is dark ahead and there may be pain, disillusion and hard work before us, that counts.
Perhaps now is especially a time when we need honour to see and accept truths which hurt, and to keep our first loyalty towards the things of God. We are back to the tragedy of Eli again. If we allow those we love, our own family or people, to do that which we know is wrong, because we not only fear man more than God, but LOVE family more than God, in the end we betray both – and lose both. And perhaps we also lose a great deal of ourselves.
Integrity of Heart
Integrity is wholeness of heart, a life where there is no difference between the inner and the outer person. Honour has nothing to do with pride, or reputation. It is not how others see you, it is whether your actions are totally honest, you are bound by your word, you are fair and just to all people, your friend and foe alike. You never cheat or dissemble, take advantage of the weak or foolish, seek to profit unjustly, reap where you have not sown, mock the unfortunate, joy in the failure of others, neglect your duty, do only what you have to and no more. Honour is an inner drive to be the best you can, not for reward or to be seen by others, not fear of punishment or loss, but because you have seen a glimpse of the light of God, whether you recognized it as that or not, and have loved it with a whole heart.
It is a high and priceless thing which no one else can give you, or command you, it is your soul’s 20-20 vision, your recognition of the voice of God.
We can hear that, no matter how dark or chaotic the world is, or for that matter how bright and well-ordered.
And having said that, most of the world is bright and well-ordered. The garden is blazing with flowers, each one a beautiful thing. The air is still a little cool a lot of the time, but it means the tulips will last longer, the rain will keep them fresh. The narcissi smell like heaven, the apple and cherry blossom is exquisite and the clematis is bursting with buds. Next month we will have roses and the dawn of real summer.
We have had sunsets all peach and fire across the sky and spilling light onto the sea right up to the polished water on the wet sand at low tide.
There is so much abundance, good and bad. And that is our blessing. Everything is possible to us – including opportunity to try again, and again, and again. There won’t always be a tomorrow to try harder, but right now there is.
Let us never forget who gave us that, and at what price, and live our lives in gratitude accordingly. The Plan of Salvation is perfect. Happiness is transitory here, but a fullness of joy is possible eternally.
